Episode Four: When Your Nervous System Doesn’t Trust Peace Yet

Episode 4 of Becoming the Sanctuary, When Your Nervous System Doesn’t Trust Peace Yet, explores something many people quietly experience after long periods of stress, burnout, emotional chaos, recovery, caregiving, survival mode, or simply carrying too much for too long: the realization that peace itself can start feeling unfamiliar.

Not bad.

Not unwanted.

Just unfamiliar.

Over the last few episodes, Becoming the Sanctuary has explored the origins of Thrivewell, the Thrivewell Core Philosophy, and the reality of functioning while still emotionally surviving internally. This episode builds naturally on those conversations by examining what happens after awareness begins. What happens when someone starts recognizing their patterns, reconnecting to themselves, and healing old wounds, only to discover that their nervous system still doesn’t fully trust calm.

The episode begins with a slightly humbling and very human story. After spending considerable time discussing perfectionism, self-expectation, and the pressure to do everything right, Kelley realizes she recorded the entirety of Episode 3 without her microphone plugged in. While frustrating in the moment, the mistake becomes an unexpected reflection of the very thing being discussed throughout the episode: the pressure to be perfect, the self-critique that follows mistakes, and the tendency to overthink even while actively working to heal those patterns.

From there, the conversation expands into a much deeper exploration of hypervigilance and emotional bracing. Many people assume survival mode ends when circumstances improve. But often the body does not immediately get the message.

Life can become safer. Relationships can become healthier. Finances can become more stable. Recovery can become stronger. Opportunities can begin appearing. And yet the nervous system may still be reacting as though collapse is right around the corner.

The body remembers. The body adapts. The body learns patterns.

When someone has spent years living inside stress, urgency, uncertainty, emotional chaos, or constant responsibility, those states can begin to feel normal. Over time, survival stops feeling like a temporary state and starts feeling like part of an identity. This episode explores what happens when the body becomes more familiar with stress than stillness.

The conversation examines hypervigilance not only through the lens of trauma, but through the lens of modern life itself. Because dramatic life events are not required to understand this experience. Many people today are living with nervous systems that rarely receive an opportunity to fully settle.

A culture that rewards over functioning often celebrates exhaustion while quietly discouraging rest, softness, and presence.

Many people know how to keep going.

Many people know how to carry enormous amounts of responsibility.

Many people know how to survive.

But learning how to receive peace can be an entirely different challenge.

Throughout the conversation, Kelley explores why peace can initially feel uncomfortable. Not because people do not want it, but because their bodies have not yet learned to trust it.

The episode discusses the guilt people often feel when resting, the discomfort that can arise during stillness, the pressure to remain productive, and the belief that rest must somehow be earned. It explores why some people unconsciously recreate chaos, why calm can feel strangely unfamiliar, and why slowing down often allows emotions to surface that busyness was helping avoid.

Listeners are invited to reflect on questions many people rarely ask themselves:

Do you struggle to relax?

Do you feel guilty when you slow down?

Do you remain emotionally “on” even during calm moments?

Do you constantly anticipate future problems?

Do you feel more comfortable being productive than being present?

Do you know what true rest actually feels like?

The episode also explores the physical side of nervous system regulation and the reality that healing often happens through repetition rather than revelation. Not through one breakthrough moment. Not through one profound realization.

But through thousands of small moments where the body slowly learns safety again. Moments where rest is allowed. Moments where calm is experienced without immediately waiting for it to disappear. Moments where the nervous system begins learning that peace is not a threat.

At its core, When Your Nervous System Doesn’t Trust Peace Yet is a conversation about rebuilding trust.

Trust in the body.

Trust in stillness.

Trust in safety.

Trust in the idea that constant emotional bracing is no longer necessary.

Because while many people know how to survive difficult seasons, learning how to remain present during peaceful ones may be one of the deepest forms of healing there is.

If peace has ever felt uncomfortable, if slowing down has ever created anxiety, if rest has felt undeserved, or if calm has felt strangely unfamiliar, this conversation offers a compassionate exploration of why.

The nervous system may not trust peace yet. But it can learn. And perhaps healing is not only learning how to survive chaos. Perhaps healing is learning how to stay when calm finally arrives.

#BecomingTheSanctuary #ThrivewellEstate #NervousSystemHealing #Hypervigilance #HealingJourney #EmotionalHealing #Embodiment #Mindfulness #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth #TraumaHealing #MentalWellness #ConsciousLiving #RecoveryJourney #InnerHealing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Becoming the Sanctuary. If this is your first time here, my name is Kelly, founder of Thrive Well Estate in our very first physical branch, Thrive Well Hub, located in Whitensville, Massachusetts. This podcast is really a space where we explore healing, embodiment, emotional awareness, nervous system regulation, creativity, human connection, and what it actually means to return to yourself while still living in a very overwhelming world. And over the last few episodes, we've been really laying the emotional foundation for this conversation together. Episode one was the story behind why Thrival exists in the first place. The collapse, the rebuilding, recovery, and the realization that so many people are quietly disconnected from themselves while trying to survive a modern life. Episode two then expanded into the Thrival core philosophy itself: the five pillars, the archetypes, emotional patterns, nervous system awareness, and the idea that healing is often less about becoming someone entirely different and more about returning to yourself again. And then, last week in episode three, became a much more personal conversation around functioning while still emotionally surviving internally. Learning how emotional disappearing can become quieter over time through overthinking, overworking, perfectionism, emotional isolation, and staying trapped inside the mind while still outwardly functioning normally. Last episode in episode three, I talked about um how much I could see and hear and feel my perfectionism still existing in what I for some reason thought that I needed to be an expert in podcasting overnight. Um, because I need to apologize for episode three. Um because, like I said, taking all that time talking about these expectations um and making everything perfect, I realized that after recording the entire episode, um, that my microphone was not plugged in. Um so that entire episode was recorded through my laptop microphone, which for the record was not even close to me. Um so how it even came out the way it did, I don't know. But thank goodness for balancing volume while editing these. Um, because that was the only hope you had of hearing me. But it feels incredibly on brand for me right now and also a very humbling podcasting moment and something that I um I promise you won't ever happen again, because now my podcasting checklist to begin with is to make sure my microphone is plugged in. Um and I think that today's episode naturally builds from all of that. Because once you start becoming aware of your nervous system patterns, you start recognizing survival mode, and once you start reconnecting to yourself emotionally, something else eventually begins surfacing too. The realization that peace itself can start feeling unfamiliar after living inside survival mode for a long time. Not bad or unwanted, just unfamiliar. And I think many people don't realize how deeply the body adapts to urgency, pressure, emotional bracing, hypervigilance, and constantly waiting for the next thing to go wrong, to the point where slowing down can almost feel uncomfortable. It's like your body no longer fully knows what to do with stillness anymore. And I've been reflecting on this a lot lately because after opening Thrival Hub, after everything it took emotionally, financially, mentally, and spiritually to get here, I expected peace to feel different once certain things finally happened, but instead I noticed something really strange. Parts of me were still emotionally braced, as if the danger was still happening. And I think many people are living inside that exact experience right now without fully realizing it. So today's episode is really about hypervigilance, emotional bracing, why rest can feel unsafe after survival mode, and what happens when your nervous system doesn't fully trust peace yet. So now the first part um of this episode that we're gonna talk about is when you start to realize that your body is still braced. Now, like I've said in the in the previous episodes, a lot of where where I am coming from on my healing journey is is being a new business owner, is being an entrepreneur, um, but also somebody who is still going through her own healing journey, right? We talk about how we're never healed. And and honestly, I I've just started realizing that like my journey has only just begun. I think it was um, you know, Carl Jung, um, I believe that's who said it, that you know, life starts at 40. Everything else before that is just research. And I could not feel something more true, true than that. Because when you start to realize, even when you are actively in your healing journey, that your body is still braced, um, I want you to really show kindness to yourself and really show grace to yourself. Because we are talking about survival tactics and defense mechanisms, that those hooks are so far in us, um, that it's not even never mind a quick fix, even even years on this journey, you're gonna find these moments um that those those claws, those hooks, whatever you want to call them, they're they're still in you. And that's okay. Um, because you know, to to have something that is is worth um fighting for or living for, you know, none of those situations happen overnight. And and I wouldn't expect my healing or anybody else's healing um to happen that way. So the biggest thing I want you to remember is really being kind to yourself as we learn to heal and um really get a lot of these tactics out of ourselves. It's it's gonna it's gonna take time because one of the things I want to talk about is feeling emotionally on guard um even during good moments. Now, when I first got sober, um I can really understand this mindset because I'll I'll never forget it. I was maybe two months, maybe not even that, um, probably before it. I just I remember being in a group and and there's something called a pink cloud when you first get sober, and and it's this feeling like you know, you're doing the right thing, you're getting better, people are starting to talk to you better, and you don't feel so shitty when you look in the mirror or or just even in your body. Um, so it can almost become euphoric. But for me, um the pink cloud feeling, whether it's temporary or not, it it didn't bring out good feelings in me. Um, it actually had me filled with a lot of anxiety, which I know can can kind of sound a bit backwards. But I was really felt like I was I was waiting, right? That impending doom that was coming. And I remember one of my um the facilitators in in one of the groups that I was in, she asked me to to break that down. So I told her, I said, I just good things don't happen to me. Um, and I certainly had never experienced peace before. So I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I was expecting her to tell me, you know, it won't, you're gonna do the right thing, and and you know, you're gonna be okay. But her answer really changed something in me because she had said she was like, the other shoe will drop. That is inevitable. Life is ruthless, it can whack you when you're down the lowest. Um, but she told me, but what the difference is now is me and my toolkit, right? Now I'm gonna have the tools um to be able to handle the other shoe dropping. It's not gonna be detrimental. And so I really, really thought about that because we can have this feeling that we're waiting for the next problem to come, but whether we wait for it or not, and we're anticipating it or not, it's coming, right? Eventually those problems pop up, and that's life. That's life itself. Um, so I think to understand that what your your body is doing, and this is gonna take now we're I'm telling you that story, and that was from my first year of sobriety that was in 2021. Um, but this isn't a race to the finish line, right? Like we are always, we are always working on ourselves because the idea is to be able to fully relax and not struggle with that feeling. But in these moments for myself, anyways, whether it was back in 2021 or it it's today in May in 2026, it's almost your body is giving you a roadmap for for what to what to look at and and what still needs attention and where you're still holding um bracing or survival tactics or whatever that is. Because our bodies, and especially when we are in this this fight or flight, right, we are checking for danger constantly. And if you think about that, right, that we it what if there is no danger around or or quote unquote danger? Because you still have real life pressures, right? I didn't just open Thrive Will Hub and and I don't have any pressures on me. I I have responsibilities. I I am have a big responsibility with how I treat people and and humans that come in here. I have operational responsibilities, I have financial responsibilities. So all those go away. But it but I mean they don't go away, but it doesn't mean that those pressures and those stress translate into that I am not safe, right? They can. They can if you try to just ignore them and and push through, anyways. Um but the biggest thing that we need to realize throughout all of this is that survival mode can become normal, right? Your your body is just adapting to the chaos and peace, it just feels so unfamiliar instead of comforting. And you just start to function while you're internally braced to almost everything. Um, and if you're realizing that you do this too, like you are not alone. You're actually, I don't know how many people are living outside of that right now. Because, and especially the times that we're living in now, it just feels like everything is chaos. Um, and it feels like we're on the verge of collapse all over. So we want to talk about that. Like, how how can chaos become familiar, right? I have my moments in my own life of when when I was either young and being dumb or or when my drinking was out of control, you know, crawling on your hands and knees to the bay window of your house to see if your car was in the driveway because you couldn't remember how you got home. That felt normal to me. But when I came out of it, oof, what chaos that was, right? But when we're in it, when we're right smack in the middle of it, it doesn't feel like chaos. You know it's not healthy, but it, but it's it's the chaos that, or maybe we do, you know, maybe a part of me did know that that was not right, but it's just so familiar. It's all we're used to. Peace and the unknown can can feel a lot scarier, to be honest. But there comes a point that we we become used to the stress chemically and emotionally, right? We're we're we're all sitting here just completely overloaded um with cortisol, right? We all talk, we all are starting to hear about cortisol and what it can do to us and when it heightens, what it can. I mean, that is just a straight path to disconnection. Um, but then urgency and over functioning can become our identity. So, so we just live in that world. Um, and and a lot of people, myself included, I feel like we we don't know who we are without that pressure. And we constantly feel like we need to fix something or solve something. And I mean, you have anybody, right, who's in that go, go, go, overworking, overproductive. You have them sit with themselves in stillness for five minutes. And I'm talking about people who can build an entire business with their hands tied behind their back, but then you have them sit with themselves for five minutes and it's not possible. Um, and that's why I think sometimes when we do feel how familiar that chaos can become, um, we really start unconsciously recreating the chaos. Uh, because the calm feeling, like I said, it's too quiet. The the the I don't know what the right word is. I don't want to use trauma, but what we have that's sitting deep inside of us, when we sit with ourselves and things go too quiet, that's where it comes to the forefront and and the thoughts and the regrets and the shame and where we're supposed to be and what we should be doing, you know, and what we're not enough of and what we're too much of, all that pops up. So um, we really do become emotionally addicted to survival mode. Uh, and like we talk about modern culture, my word, they just reinforce this constantly, constantly, constantly. And so then we want to talk about, right? So let's let's think about this. So, so chaos just becomes very familiar, right? So we're realizing that we're braced, we're realizing that chaos has become very familiar, and then that rest can feel really unsafe. Think about that. Have you ever had it where you're exhausted, you're mentally exhausted, your body is exhausted, you're run down, and you tell yourself, I'm gonna lay down for just 30 minutes, right? Or whatever that number is. I'm gonna lay down for an hour, I'm gonna lay down for five minutes, whatever that is. How many of you, because I know I do it, actually rest during that time frame? Or do you sit there and think about what you should be doing? Do you feel guilty while you're resting? Or when you're slowing down, does that somehow translate into feeling lazy? Because nervous system confusion during stillness is real, and for some reason we have become a culture that your your worth as a human being is tied to productivity, and so that's why we really, really struggle to fully unplug. Because then it's you're you're letting go of your responsibilities, your worth isn't as high, you're just avoiding everything, you're lazy. Um, and really all it is is that we've put ourselves in the position that we need to earn rest, right? We don't we don't fault the trees when they need to shed all their leaves and and take a nice long nap in winter. We don't judge them. Why is it that when our own body needs to go through a season? Um, and that season can be a long season, that season can be a daily season, um, suddenly that's not okay. And I mean, so much of this is is that uh exhaustion, like I said, is is just become completely normalized. If if I go back and listen to my first two episodes, because I talk about in episode three about how I was in a funk coming back from Mexico, listen to my voice in episode one and two. Now, keep in mind, I will tell you, I did have, I wrote down what I was saying in those first two episodes, like I acknowledged, because I needed to stay on point. You can start to hear in in episode three and and now episode four that I can kind of ramble a bit. So trying to keep myself on track. Um, so I think part of that rigidity is coming out in my voice, but really listen to my voice, listen to the heaviness that is surrounding it. That was me in full-blown survival mode, like literally on the verge of shutdown. Um, and then I have this mindset flip, right? Like this understanding that if I lean back into working on myself, this heaviness, this funk that I was in, will start to resolve itself. And just the idea of being able to come out of that funk and kind of have some sort of roadmap to now know what I need to tackle and what within me is causing this feeling, you can see how much lighter my voice sounded in episode three. And that's because what you heard in those first two episodes was exhaustion fighting every day. I mean, it's bad enough what we have to fight on a daily basis. We shouldn't be putting ourselves in a position to to fight ourselves. Um, and I and I know whenever there's some sort of like survival moment in my life or or where my old traumas um pop up, my my instant go-to is that hyperproductivity, right? And that's where even my hyperindependence comes inside inside, too. Um because a lot of times that's how people, you know, they they're fit, they're physically carrying tension constantly. Um, and that's where we we really need to check in with our own bodies. Because once you get on that treadmill again, right? Like that hamster wheel, whatever you, whatever analogy you want to give it. Um, but when we cannot rest, right, because it doesn't feel safe. And I like I said, I understand that it does not feel safe. Um, it's just it's a vicious cycle that we're just it feeds itself. That's why there's so many of us um in this rat race of life, right? These cycles that we're talking about, whether it's the hyperproductivity or you know, trying to get out of your financial situation or trying to get out of any sort of addiction, doesn't even need to be just substances, it's a cycle, and we have to break that cycle. And healing in itself, um and and feeling safe within our own bodies in a resting state, we have to break the same, the same cycle. And the same way that when you first break a habit, um, you know, you it feels different. And it doesn't immediately we don't immediately um feel the reward of that. So it, you know, it's I don't know if you've ever known anybody who has um lost a lot of weight, right? But and I'm not gonna go too far down this road because like I've always said, I'm not a doctor, I'm just a human um with life experience. But I will say that I did lose a lot of weight. Um went at my heaviest, when I was the most unhealthy, I was about 205 pounds. Now, when I went to my lowest, it wasn't healthy, so I'm not gonna acknowledge that number. Um, but I should be around 135 and 140 pounds. Um, so I hit that goal. And when I looked in the mirror, my mind didn't believe it. I I did have my own version of body dysmorphia because when I looked in the mirror, um, I still saw the 205-pound person because my my mind and my body, it didn't believe what I was seeing. And it felt like I needed to, I don't know, like it wasn't this feeling like I needed to lose more weight. It just I couldn't see it yet. My everything had kind of had to catch up to itself. And now I'm able to look at myself and see myself for who I am, and I don't sit there and criticize saying that I still have more to lose or I've lost too much. I just see me. But that took years of being in this new body, buying the sizes that I need to buy and not buying sizes that are too big. Um, because the body does the same thing with safety, doesn't believe it at first. Not for a little while. Because life externally, it's improving, but the body is still reacting, right? It's reacting to its old self, it's reacting to the old um habits that we've created, the old situations that we were in. We think that a new situation that's good is gonna turn bad, you know, that that we're missing something or it's too good to be true, whatever it is that we tell ourselves. Because the nervous system, unfortunately, does have a lag. Um, and there is emotional memory in the body. But I kind of want to come off this topic just for a second, right? Because we're talking about how the body doesn't immediately believe safety. Emotional memory in the body is good and bad, right? Because we talk about when we're healing and we're on our healing journey, we're talking a lot about the bad, right? We there's a book um that I sell here that's amazing. It's a tough read, but I would highly recommend it. And it is called The Body Keeps the Score. And when we talk about that the body remembers, like I said, we have a tendency to go to that it remembers trauma, it remembers disconnection, it remembers grief, it remembers abuse. But guess what else it remembers? It remembers safety and it remembers love and it remembers support. And it remembers how to use those survival tactics when we really need them. Because the goal is to not remove survival tactics altogether. There is parts of our life, right? And just as ancient human beings, like you, we will need survival tactics in our life. Um I was a mile from the finish line at the Boston Marathon when the bombing happened. I needed my survival mode then. I needed to go into fight or flight, and boy did I. Um, but it's it's when that becomes default, right? I shouldn't be feeling like I'm in the middle of a terrorist attack on a normal Thursday, right? So this is what we're talking about, getting the body more comfortable with what safety feels like. Um, because otherwise, we're expecting collapse even when things are okay. And and I will say, I've been practicing that myself. I am expecting collapse all around me. And does it mean that certain things might not, you know, they might fall apart in a way I don't want them to? Sure, they might, but but there's no collapse coming for me. Unless I just, like I said, unless I just completely ignore everything and don't talk to anybody and don't ask for help. Yes, that's where collapse will come. But not where I am right now. So I'm constantly telling my nervous system, shush, like settle down. You are fine. Like I tell everybody else, the grizzly bear is not coming out of the woods. Like we we are okay. Because I think as a society and as humans, um, it's really difficult now for us to receive peace and support for that matter. Um, because the body is is learning safety slowly. But this is possible. And I had a workshop last night. It was um it was the Thrive Well reset, and it was a 60-minute, you know, nervous system regulation. And the biggest thing that we talked about, and a lot of what I talk about here at ThriveWell too, is understanding your own intuition and how to trust it and how to practice the relationship with it. And that's exactly it. Regulation happens through repetition. So we have to continuously, right, the same way that we practice that relationship with our own intuition, we have to practice that relationship with regulation the same way. So it is a constant repeating practice of helping ourselves regulate our nervous system. You can do that with, like we talked about in the last episode, getting out of your mind and getting into the body. But really start to research what can help you with regulating your nervous system. Um, something that I'm looking to get more into is breath work, because breath work, and that's something that you carry around with you everywhere. Breath work is incredible. Um, and the power that it has, um, not only for our health and our and our body, but for our nervous system, it's amazing what it can do. And then there's other things, you know, you have creativity, you have human connection itself can help regulate your your nervous system. Animals are an amazing way. Um, you know, I know I'm a horse person, but I'm gonna give a shout out to horses. But in the same way, um, if you set yourself up to continuously practice regulating your nervous system, go be super anxious and go stand around a horse. They're gonna show you very, very quickly how much you need to regulate your nervous system, and they're not gonna let you anywhere near them because they are constantly doing that themselves. Um, but as we think about it, right, think about moments in your own life. Moments where you really felt yourself being braced up still. And like I said, I've had moments after moments after moments opening this hub. Um I for some reason still cannot shake the fact that it doesn't have to perform as much as I think it should perform. And should is a really, really good word to look for. Um, because I think when we start talking about what we should do and what we shouldn't do, think about where that pressure is coming from. For me, it is it is the pressure is coming from myself, but that pressure is is coming from an external source, right? Whether that be society itself, a partner, parents, um, a boss, you know, you think about where that external pressure is coming from. And and is it something that you really need to do? Or like we said, is it something that you think you should do? Um, but I'll tell you that emotionally landing um inside of an accomplishment and landing there and not being critical of myself is still extremely, extremely hard. And even when I'm in the hub itself, I'm trying hard to be in the moment, to be here talking to the people that I'm talking to. I'm trying really hard to have the mindset that I get to worry about owning a business. Um, I get to have this struggle, that I've already made it further than most people do who dream about owning a business. And because a lot of times I'm constantly thinking ahead, thinking about how I can grow, how I can expand, how I can help more people, how I can get my voice bigger. And instead of inhabiting the moment. And that's really, you know, you want your nervous system going into overdrive. Think about the future that much, and you know, call call it future tripping. Because it's just, I mean, you can plan, right? We all need to plan. I'm not gonna pretend and say that you can only live in the day. But you really, that's all we have is today, because you want to have a general idea of where you're headed. And of course, as a business, I think about the different quarters in the year and then the different years and my three-year plan and my five-year plan. But the amount of times that I'm gonna have to pivot throughout that time frame, um, you really should try to be in the moment more and have a slight plan for the future. Because if you try to create this rock solid plan and it doesn't go the way you think you're gonna, it's gonna go. I mean, you're just you're you're that's where the collapse comes, right? Is is neat thinking that we can control everything. Um, and we can't. We honestly can't. But I'm trying to think of some real life examples, whether it be the hub or um my sobriety, where I was trying to relax, but mentally staying on. And I think why I struggle to find real life examples is because I feel like that's still where I am so much of the time. I mean, I can completely relate to to laying on the couch. Um, but you know, I I need to rest, but I do also have these responsibilities that I need to get done. And now I'm I'm finding myself landing in this like all or nothing type world. It's like all of a sudden all my responsibilities, well, not all of them, but I'm like, oh, those can all wait, those can all wait. But it's it's finding um the balance. It's finding finding the balance of the two. But I think with feeling like I need to be on, especially with what I what I do now for a living, it can have I need to remind myself that I am a student as well, that I am learning in this place, in this hub, and and I don't own it because I have it all figured out. I almost own it because I need to engulf myself that much into it. Um, because my brain can just manipulate my own self right out of where I where I'm at in my healing journey. But I mean, there's a lot of times, I guess when I'm more so doing like a guided meditation, because you want to think about notice uh moments where you notice your body carrying tension. And it is almost always in in guided meditations where they tell you, you know, soften your shoulders, soften your jaw, are your hands clenched? And it's like, oh shoot, yes to all of those. Um so just trying to let your body, even when you're just sitting, to try and not be so tense. Um and then, you know, the emotional exhaustion that can hide underneath the productivity that we talked about, I would say the those last two weeks, uh, not this past week, but the last two weeks before that, that's that's a very good example of emotional exhaustion just hiding underneath all of it. And and I want you to think about in your own life, um, you know, some real life examples when you're trying to escape the moment, or where you still feel braced, or when you're trying to relax, but you still feel like you need to be on in everything. Like really, really think about those and find those moments within yourself because the more that we can find them is how we're able to find a new way, find a new path, and one that allows us to give grace to ourself when we need to rest. But and I think we also have to continuously acknowledge um modern life, what life is like right now in 2026. You know, we have the constant stimulation, notifications, social media, endless input. I mean, as I'm sitting here talking about this, if it sounds like I'm getting distracted, it's because, you know, a notification pops up on my laptop or on my phone, or um, I mean, I I do get distracted even by the cars driving by, but but I mean more, like how many notifications we can get, and and I've only been sitting here what half an hour, 40 minutes. Um, there's no silence anymore, and and we're always reachable. So, but but I think about where we're all trying to go and where we're at right now, right? So there's no there's no extreme answer, right? Like the answer is not to get rid of technology, to get rid of social media, to to put a full halt on AI. It's not possible anymore. That would be like someone coming in all of a sudden and saying, like, electricity made us move too fast, and and it's you know, we're we're we're adding too much to the grid, or I mean that is true, but but all of a sudden just coming in and saying, well, we're gonna take away electricity, it's like, well, modern society has kind of become very, very dependent on it, and we no longer have the ability or the tools or the skills, um, I think, really, to survive without it. So, not saying that social media and AI and all these other things are as necessary as electricity, um, but they're pretty darn close. You think about um how many people's livelihood is based off of social media um in and in sense AI as well, um, or how many businesses have started during this time. I'm one of those. If somebody told me no more social media, I'd be like, uh-oh, how do I how do I promote myself? How do I do anything? I I what do I go knocking door to door? Where do I get my advertisements? So, but um it's also not good to go 100% into it. We're showing that this technology is is having a negative effect on society as a whole. You know, social media is addictive. We're worried about AI and our and our privacy and the data that's being put into it, and you know, AI taking over jobs. These are real, real problems that are that are actually happening. And I think in anything that I look at now, and especially when I look at my own healing, what is the number one thing that I that ties everything back together? And that's balance. And I think that the path forward, and I will, this is a hill I will die on, um, that the solution is the middle ground. We have to take the middle road. We have to be able to use these tools, but not have them replace us as human beings. We need to be able to use social media to stay connected to the people who are far from us, but stay connected in person as much as we possibly can. Because the emotional overload that we are carrying right now, um, and especially what then can lead to this comparison culture. I mean, how many of you open up social media on any platform and start comparing yourself to what you're seeing? And from that comparison culture comes this immense financial pressure. Life has only gotten more expensive. And and then we're we're looking at these lives, you know, a lot of us can barely afford the necessities. Never mind the comparisons that we're putting ourselves through that most of the time cost a lot of money for the clothes, the vacations, the skincare, the food, whatever that is. Um, and I and I do believe as a collective, we're in nervous system exhaustion. I mean, go drive down the road. Go see how people are acting. Go see how people are driving. Don't get yourself into any situations because people are very, very reactive. Um just watch. Just look. And and like I was saying last night at the workshop, like it is up to us. It's up to us to collectively reset this nervous system exhaustion. If we keep going the way that we're going, right, and and culture continues um rewarding over functioning and overworking and suppressing our emotions, and you know, if that if that if our culture and humanity continues on this path, um, I mean, it feels progressive. Um, so I don't really want to imagine what that life would feel like because it doesn't feel possible to have more disconnection as a culture, but at the same time, this doesn't exactly feel like our rock bottom. So I do, I am very fearful of where that path leads to. Um, and like I said in the last episode, I don't want to get this dramatic, but I I would be fearful for humanity if we continue down this path and and never allowing ourselves or others um to fully settle emotionally. So I think as we come to an end of this episode, um, well, before we come to an end of this episode, let's talk about what actually helps, right? What helps us start to feel safe in the slowness and the stillness and feeling safe within our own body? How do we make our own body our own altar, right? That in a sense is the goal. We talked a little bit about breath work, that's something. Um, I don't know if you if anybody um, well, I I do know there's a lot of people who who do breath work, but if you're listening and you haven't and you struggle to settle your mind or you know, help with the racing thoughts pop-up, I would highly recommend it. Coming from somebody whose brain um never stops um night and day. Breath work was the first time I was actually able to get into some sort of meditative state, like allow my body to just be. Um, but you want to think about, you know, we talked about the repetition, nervous system regulation through repetition is so, so important. Um, even if it's something small every day. Eve something as simple as pausing before you react, taking a breath before you say something that is emotionally reactive. Um, you want to think about slowing down physically before mentally. When you're walking down the street um or anywhere, right? If you're walking anywhere and you're not late and you're not rushing, watch how fast you walk. Try to slow yourself down physically because the mind will the mind will catch up eventually. Um, but that follows the body. So if we get our body more used to slowing down, then our our mental will start to slow down as well. But again, repetition. So that will kind of pivot it to our next what can help? Um, routines. Teens is something that in my own life I crave desperately, but I'm working on what is stopping me from creating them. I think a little bit, if I'm being fully honest, there is this lazy side of myself that has come to the forefront. Um, and I am, again, right? This is, and this has to do with me personally. My alcoholic brain can manipulate any situation. I've I've sometimes in ways allowed my laziness to come forward, and I'm treating it as self-care. But laying on the couch and doom scrolling while having something on TV in the background, while having my laptop open, thinking about workshops that I can create for Thrive Well, that's not rest. That's not that's far from rest. Um, that is, I don't feel like doing anything around the house. And so I'm gonna secretly have my laptop open so it feels like I'm kind of working, so I can kind of excuse it. But I really need to start with actual healthy routines morning and night. And and I would encourage everyone to try and work on their routines and start small. There's another good book that we sell here that's called Atomic Habits. Read it because those small little habits and those routines, they do amount to to big changes. And they talk a lot in there about habit stacking. And I won't get super focused on that. You should read the book, you should learn about it because it's it's certain things that help us create routines and habits within the habits that we already have. Another big thing that helps sensory grounding. You don't need to go outside and put your feet into the grass. Full disclosure, that is the best kind because you're literally grounding yourself, like think electrical. Um, but even just grounding yourself anywhere. You know, even if you're inside, it's hardwood, it's carpet, it's laminate, whatever your floor is, feel your entire foot on that ground. Um, really think about the parts of your feet that are that are touching the ground. Um walking, movement, movement of any kind, right? Healthy movement, not pushing your body to the point of collapse. Again, balance. Creativity. Creativity is huge. And I think a lot of people, um, from what I have experienced here in the hub, when I say this, they relate creativity to talent, to worth. Nobody is expecting you to be, you know, the next Beethoven or or the next Picasso. Creativity does not equal um whatever those artistic standards are to you. Creativity is just that. It is creating, whether you're creating a story, right? You're a writer, or you're creating um choreography and you're a dancer, or you know, creating anything, art, um, feelings, spaces, anything that you are creating where you are envisioning something in your head, and it does not need to look perfect, or whatever those expectations that you're putting on yourself, whatever that is in your soul, in your body, in your head, and coming out, and and you are making something that is tangible that you can see, that you can feel, that you can read, that is creativity. And when you are using your hands, right? Because that can kind of lead into creativity, but just using your hands in general, whether you're cooking or you're gardening or you're you're building something out of wood, these are what actually helps. This is what really starts us to feel okay and safe with the peace. Um, something else is sleep, of course. Sleep can very much help with this. Um, and sleep is something that I think a lot of people, um, a lot more people than I probably realize struggle with this. You know, the restless, the restless body, the mind that won't stop. Sometimes people use sleep as an escape. So again, it's the balance, it's rest when you need rest and allowing yourself to sleep um when your body needs it and and let that be your recharge. So a lot of other things that can help is the type of people that we have around. We want to feel safe within the people. If you're in a group of people that you're not sure, do they like me? Do they not like me, or do they have my best interest, do I even actually, am I actually safe around them? Or are they gonna put me in situations that are not good for me? You wanna be around safe people. And another big component about what can help is communication. Talk to people, human connection. The more that you talk to people and you talk to them honestly, the more that you can understand that you are not alone and there are other people out there. And it doesn't mean to say that they're gonna compare, you know, that your situation isn't as bad. It's the relatability. It's it's you talk to other people who have gone through something similar to you and have made it to the other side. That's why a lot of programs that help with substance abuse, that's why they work because you're seeing people who have walked, you know, might not be the exact same path, but they have they have faced very similar demons and they've gotten out to the other side. And then you also want to just teach your body peace slowly. Like I said, this damage did not happen overnight. And I don't really love that I use the word damage, but it is it is kind of true a bit. Like the world does do damage to us. Doesn't mean that we're damaged goods. Do not take that that I that it translates to we are damaged. But there has been bad things that have happened to us or or situations. Nobody gets out of life unscathed. So how do we teach our body that that peace is okay and that to slow down is okay? And we have to do that very, very, very slowly and be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. Because when you first feel it, it can make us feel very vulnerable. How many of you have started taking down the walls and feel like you're a target, feel like you're gonna get taken advantage of? And and in any little moment that something happens, those walls go shooting right back up. And they go, see, you go, see, I've done it myself. See, I shouldn't have trusted that person, or I shouldn't have trusted that situation. That's not true. It just means there was something within that situation that you learned the lesson, and now you're stronger going forward. It doesn't mean that those walls should go shooting right back up. Uh what what another hard thing to realize within this is that survival identities are very, very hard to release. Um, so much, like we said, about our worth is tied to productivity. Um, so I've seen myself and a lot of other people um feel like they need to have this super full plate to feel like they're productive or that they're successful or that they're even worthy. And you see this a lot. Um, you know, in corporate America. We we see, I mean, the burnout culture in corporate, I mean, not just corporate America, but I mean the burnout culture there is is because the more we do and the more we say yes and the more projects we take on, the more we feel we're worthy at where we work or the situation that we're in. Um and it's also understanding who like that the a lot of this fear is who are we without struggle? Honestly. Like if you think of even my own story, like I I wouldn't have what I have if it wasn't for my story, but I also can't continue to have what I have and build what I'm building if I hold on to all of that struggle. And I had to learn that that struggle got me to where I needed to be now, but it's it's not what I need to become the person I know I can become. And that's somebody who's learning that rest is not weakness, that safety is not laziness, and learning that you do not need to constantly brace for collapse. Healing becomes the ability to remain present during peace and feeling comfortable there. And that's really, I think, a good ending spot because otherwise I'll just sit here and ramble for another hour more. But just think about everything that we talked about in this episode. And I think many people are more exhausted from bracing than they realize. I think we need to know that the nervous system can relearn safety, that peace may feel unfamiliar before it feels safe. And healing is not just surviving chaos, it's learning how to stay during the calm too. But your body deserves to experience peace without waiting for it to disappear. It really does. Because peace doesn't disappear once we've really and truthfully found it. We may end up in chaotic situations beyond our control, or even if it has something to do with our control. But the whole question and the whole balance that we're trying to find is how do we keep that peace, no matter what life is throwing at us. And I think with that, that is where we will end this week's episode. I want to thank you again so much for joining me on Becoming the Sanctuary. I'm really, really um excited for this podcast. And even though um I get nervous and sometimes I ramble too much or I have a hard time listening to the episode after it's been posted. Um, I do believe that the more that we come together and the more that we understand that healing is not only necessary, but it's possible. Um the the easier life gets because it doesn't have to be this hard. So you're worth it. Let's keep going, and I will see you next Friday.