Episode Tweleve: Learning to Receive

There are moments in our healing journey when we think we've found the lesson, only to realize a few days later that life wasn't finished teaching us yet.

That's exactly what happened to me this week.

If you listened to last week's episode, you know I shared something deeply personal. After several rounds of interviews for a job I had genuinely hoped would become my next chapter, I learned I wasn't the one they chose. While I respected their decision, I had already begun imagining what life might look like if that door opened, so naturally, it hurt when it closed.

Last week's conversation became about learning to hold two truths at once. It was about discovering that hope and disappointment can occupy the same space, that gratitude doesn't erase grief, and that healing isn't pretending everything is okay. Healing is learning to remain present even when life doesn't unfold the way we hoped it would.

When I finished recording, I truly believed that was the lesson.

But healing has a way of continuing the conversation long after we think we've reached the conclusion.

Over the days that followed, my phone continued to light up with text messages, emails, comments, and conversations. Family reached out. Friends checked in. Customers stopped by the Hub simply to encourage me. Listeners of this podcast took time out of their own lives to send words of encouragement they never had to write but chose to anyway.

Every message mattered.

Every conversation reminded me that I wasn't carrying this season alone.

Yet I noticed something about myself that honestly surprised me.

As much as I appreciated every kind word, every offer of support, and every reminder to keep going, my instinct was still to gently push it away.

"I'm okay."

"You really don't have to worry about me."

"I'll figure it out."

Those responses came so naturally that I almost didn't question them. They sounded responsible. They sounded independent. They even sounded grateful.

But underneath those words was a much deeper belief that I hadn't fully recognized until now.

Somewhere along the way, I had learned that receiving was far more uncomfortable than giving.

The more I reflected on that throughout the week, the more I realized this episode wasn't simply something I wanted to talk about. It was something I needed to practice.

Because I don't think this struggle belongs only to me.

I think it's quietly woven into the lives of so many people.

We live in a culture that celebrates the people who seem to carry everything without complaint. We admire the ones who never ask for help, who always have the answers, and who somehow keep every plate spinning while insisting they've got it all under control. We call them strong. We celebrate independence as though it is the highest expression of adulthood.

There is nothing wrong with independence. Healthy independence allows us to trust ourselves, make decisions, and move through life with confidence.

Hyper-independence is something entirely different.

It often isn't born from confidence. It's born from survival.

Sometimes it develops because support wasn't available when we needed it. Sometimes trust was broken, or we became the responsible one far too early. Addiction, grief, trauma, heartbreak, or disappointment can all teach us the same lesson: expecting less from other people feels safer than risking being hurt again.

Our nervous system is remarkably intelligent. It learns how to protect us, but protection often stays long after the danger has passed. What once kept us safe can quietly become the way we live.

Without realizing it, being capable slowly becomes carrying everything. Being responsible becomes refusing help. Being resilient becomes convincing ourselves that no one should ever see us struggle.

The very strategies that once protected us can eventually become the walls that keep genuine connection out.

Recovery taught me this lesson years ago.

One of the greatest misconceptions about sobriety is that healing happens because someone simply stops drinking or using. Healing began the moment I allowed myself to stop pretending I could do everything alone. It began when I let people walk beside me instead of believing I had to carry everything myself.

Building Thrivewell has continued teaching me exactly the same lesson.

People often see the workshops, the podcast, the products, and the vision. What they don't always see are the countless people who have quietly helped build it. Family, friends, customers, and this community have encouraged me, challenged me, and believed in Thrivewell long before it made sense on paper. Nothing meaningful I've created has ever truly been built alone.

Yet somehow, when disappointment arrived last week, my instinct was still to quietly carry it by myself.

Isn't that interesting?

Sometimes we intellectually understand a lesson long before we emotionally embody it.

Receiving isn't just about accepting help during difficult seasons.

Receiving touches nearly every part of our lives.

It shows up when someone compliments us and we immediately explain why they shouldn't. When someone says they're proud of us, we change the subject. We often believe criticism more quickly than encouragement, defending our limitations while questioning our gifts.

Receiving also shows up in the way we experience love.

Sometimes people aren't trying to rescue us.

They aren't trying to solve us.

They aren't trying to fix every problem we're carrying.

Sometimes they're simply trying to love us.

A hug. A handwritten card. Someone bringing dinner after a difficult week. A friend sitting quietly beside you. A text message asking how you're really doing.

Those moments don't always require us to perform strength.

Sometimes they simply invite us to receive.

The same is true for rest.

How many times have we said, "I'll rest after..."

After this project.

After work slows down.

After the business grows.

After I make enough money.

The finish line keeps moving.

Rest becomes something we believe we must earn instead of something our bodies were created to receive.

Burnout has somehow become proof that we're working hard enough, yet our nervous systems don't experience exhaustion as achievement. They experience it as depletion.

Perhaps rest isn't the reward for finishing the work.

Perhaps rest is what allows us to continue the work with joy instead of resentment.

As I reflected on this season, I realized every conversation has quietly pointed toward this lesson. Ground reminds us we aren't meant to stand alone. Cleanse asks us to release the belief that we must carry everything ourselves. Protect teaches us to let the right people in. Nourish reminds us to receive rest and care before burnout. Align invites us to trust that not everything has to be forced into existence.

Maybe receiving isn't separate from healing.

Maybe receiving is healing.

Nature seems to understand this far better than we do.

Trees receive rain without apologizing.

Flowers receive sunlight without wondering if they've earned it.

Rivers receive streams.

Forests survive because their roots remain connected beneath the surface, sharing nutrients in ways we rarely stop to consider.

Nothing in nature survives by giving alone.

Everything exists because giving and receiving remain in balance.

Perhaps we were designed the same way.

As I look back on this past week, I don't think the greatest gift was simply the encouragement people offered me after I didn't get the job.

The greatest gift was realizing that I still have room to grow.

Healing didn't end when I got sober.

Healing didn't end when I opened Thrivewell.

Healing didn't end when I started this podcast.

Healing continues every time life reveals another place where love is trying to enter—and we choose to stop pushing it away.

So this week, I'd like to invite you to practice something alongside me.

The next time someone offers you kindness, pause before saying you're fine. Pause before insisting you don't need anything. Pause before explaining why you don't deserve the compliment.

Simply receive it.

Say thank you.

Allow yourself to believe that perhaps you don't have to earn every act of care that comes your way.

Because perhaps healing isn't just learning how to love other people more deeply.

Perhaps it's finally believing that you are just as worthy of receiving that same love yourself.

Thank you, as always, for spending another Friday with me and for continuing to walk this journey alongside me. Thank you for reminding me this community is built on something much deeper than conversations. It's built on the courage to keep showing up honestly, especially when life doesn't go according to plan.

Until next week, be gentle with yourself.

Let someone love you.

And remember...

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is simply receive.

#BecomingTheSanctuary #ThrivewellEstate #HealingJourney #PersonalGrowth #SelfWorth #EmotionalWellness #Mindfulness #NervousSystem #Community #Healing

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hello everybody and welcome back to Becoming the Sanctuary. We are on episode 12. I can't believe it. And if this is your first time here, though, my name is Kelly, founder of Thrive Well Estate and ThriveWell Hub, our first physical branch and located in Whitensville, Massachusetts. This podcast is a space where we explore healing, embodiment, emotional awareness, creativity, human connection, and what it actually means to return to yourself while still living inside a very overwhelming world. Now, last week we talked about what it means to hold two truths at once. We talked about disappointment and hope living side by side. And how healing isn't pretending everything is okay, it's learning to keep moving while honoring what's true. And as I sat with that conversation over the past week, I realized there was another lesson hiding underneath it, one that I think many of us can relate to. Because after everything that happened, so many people reached out. Friends checked in, family offered encouragement, complete strangers sent messages reminding me to keep going. And every single time, my first instinct was to say, I'm okay, you don't have to do that, I'll figure it out. It made me wonder, why is receiving sometimes harder than giving? Why is it so easy to show up for everyone else, yet so uncomfortable when someone wants to show up for us? Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that being capable meant carrying everything ourselves. We learned that asking for help felt like weakness, that rest had to be earned, and that accepting love, kindness, or even recognition somehow made us uncomfortable. But what if that's not strength? What if that's survival? So today I want to explore something I think many of us carry without even realizing it: the art and maybe the challenge of learning to receive. All right, let's dive in. So I want to talk about the independence that we celebrate. Now, throughout this podcast, you have probably heard multiple themes, right? Um, that healing is a very fine line. Um how much we are the mountain ourselves, right? Um, how much of the inner work really has to do with the outer world that we create for ourselves. But another common theme that I that I try to tend to talk to um about recurringly on this podcast is the culture that we're in, um, and then the the expectations that that puts on us. Because like I've said before, we live in a culture that celebrates independence. I mean, think about in your own life or just what you've seen others go through, you know, celebrating the fact of I did it myself and I don't need anybody. And being self-made, right? And self-made being on your own is really admired. And I do believe that that part of that has a level of truth to it because independence is healthy, right? Um being independent to be able to experience this world without needing so many other people in the sense of you literally wouldn't be able to do that without them, right? Um so, but then also, and that is as you enter um into that, when you can't do anything without certain people in your life, like you really think your life is over, that's codependency. But independence in ourselves, um, you know, having the ability to make our own money or or provide our own security, and I don't just mean financial, um, being able to take care of ourselves, that's all important independence. But hyperindependence is something very different. And it's something I'm I'm quite familiar with. Hyperindependence really is that you no longer allow yourself to rely on anybody else. And trust me when I say it's not a healthy place to be. And with that hyperindependence, it also comes with not being able to ask for help. Anybody who is walking in recovery and has sobriety knows how important it is to ask for help. There has been at least one point in your life, if not many, that asking for help saved your life. It was a matter of life or death, literally. Um, I know that I experienced that when I first knew I needed help and going into treatment. If I didn't ask for help that day, I can almost guarantee you for a fact that I would not be here today. So the question is, when did asking for help start feeling unsafe? And when did being the strong one become your identity? And I think the reason why I wanted to talk about this topic, um, why it is so difficult to learn how to receive, is because if you have experienced um anything physically with Thrivewall, and especially with taking our archetype quiz, and for those of you who don't know, um the Thrivewall Core philosophy is a curated system that meets you where you are to help guide you through your healing, and it's based on trusting your own body, your own intuition, and and really guiding you through that healing. And part of that, I created a quiz. Um, it's not a personality quiz, it it is it's an honest um reflection of where you are right now so that you can understand what you need to move forward, to move through the season of your life. And um, and if you haven't experienced it yet, um, the quiz, a little hint here to what I've been been um teasing out there, and I'm still struggling with building it. Um, if you haven't been able to physically take it yet, your opportunity will come soon. Um, and that's that's all I'll say about that. But why I brought that up is because I have had hundreds of people take that quiz since I made it. And I do not share people's results specifically. Um, that is something for them to journey through themselves, and it's their story to share. But I will tell you without getting into any sort of specifics about anyone in particular, that if I went through and counted, because I have these archetype cards that go out, and that's the only way I would know um what is the highest archetype, but I wouldn't even need to count it, because I can already tell you. I would say about half of the people who have taken that quiz have come up as the nurture archetype healing pathway. And as you learn about the Thrival Core philosophy, the archetypes are really interesting to work with in our healing because the whole point of these healing pathways is to find the balance within it. And like everything in life, we everything has balance, right? Light and dark, evil and good, yin and yang. Um, archetype pathways are the same. They have the shadow and the light. And if you haven't guessed it, the nurturer's shadow is depletion. You have imagine that your nourishment for yourself, whether that be your physical body or your soul, right? Um, the cup needs to be full for that to be in balance. And it's not to say that we can't do stuff for other people. It's just we need to give them the overflow. And if there's somebody that we take from our own cup and we give them that, it's somebody who's gonna help us refill our cup afterwards, too. So I think doing this episode, not only for myself after what this last week has been, and and there's been other things um that have happened personally um that I'm I'm just keeping keeping private um and it's a family matter. So, but going through so much um after, in a sense, getting the rug pulled out from me, pulled out from under me last week, had me really thinking about how many of us are in this boat that it's so hard to not only receive, but but to treat ourselves um like we would other people. And that's the whole thing about the nurturer is finding the balance of the, you know, the oxygen mask reference where you you can't help anybody if you're passed out. You have to put your mask on first, right? So not only are we struggling to do that, um, but then when we're depleted, we're struggling to to ask for help on top of that. So why did asking for help feel unsafe? Well, if I had to take a guess about from my own perspective, and again, like I said, the culture that we're in, asking for help can be looked at, or what we think can be looked at as a sign of weakness. Um, and I think that when we start talking about, you know, survival versus strength, I think, even though I'm still practicing it myself, because I have it's got it's become easier to ask for help. Um, and when I ask for help, I know it gets easier because when people in my life are asking for me for help, I'm I'm showing up for them. So that's that's the balance, balance here too. But just remember that cup. Only certain people get parts of your own cup because they come and help you fill it. So I think that asking for help is actually the biggest sign of strength, not weakness. Um, I've done that in my career when I don't know how to do something. I never just guess. I I try and research and see if the information is out there or, you know, documented. And if you're in a bigger company, you know, with the SOPs and everything that comes along with that. Um, but if I don't can't find it there, I even go further and ask, you know, my boss or different departments. Um, but then in my life too, you know, when I'm really struggling emotionally or or, you know, it's no secret where I'm at right now. Um, so sometimes that help is financial help, which is some of the hardest help for me to ask for still. But knowing that I'm good on my word has helped me with that because it's it's not something that I'm just taking and taking and taking and I'm going to give. So all these things that can help us with practicing asking for help. Um, but we have to get through this idea of how we're how we're perceived. Because when we do talk about that hyperindependence, it often develops um because at one point it protected us, right? I, speaking for myself, I became hyper-independent because I felt that if I if I was became hyper-independent, even though I didn't know that's what I was doing at the time, I would never be in the position to rely on anybody because, and not saying my family mostly was um old relationships, that I relying on them for, you know, emotional security or feeling loved or just you know having things done to help me or for me, I would always I would be let down. So I developed this hyperindependence because if I never had to rely on anybody else, there was never a chance of being disappointed and being let down. But like I said with my own recovery, um, one, hyperindependence and recovery do not mix because once you isolate and you try to do everything yourself and you're handling all your problems yourself, that's a lot for one human being. And recovery taught me I couldn't heal alone. And building Thrive Well has taught me honestly the same lesson that a lot of people see this as something that I built. And it is true, I did build the the idea and the foundation and and the design aspect of it and how I wanted it to feel. But Thrive Well, it it was far from being built fully with just me. Um, there's been many people um from my my my boyfriend to my parents, to my boyfriend's parents, to my siblings, to his siblings, to cousins and friends. And I mean, the list is endless. It's absolutely endless because there's absolutely no way that I could become the woman that I am today, build what I built and go through what I'm going through without a ton of help. Um, because somewhere along the way, being capable slowly became carrying everything. And I realized that before I started building Thrive Well, I couldn't, this was too big. This was um, and I mean somewhere along the way of my my earlier journey. And and I just knew, right? And I think that with healing and life itself, carrying everything alone is just a recipe for disaster. And um, you know, and I I don't want to insult people that think independence is is important because it is, but healthy, healthy independence. Um, and and it has a lot to do with ego too. Um, but I want you to ask yourself, what are you protecting yourself from by doing everything alone? Think about it. I'm thinking about it right now. When I get into that mode, because it still pops up that, you know, whether I don't I don't think honestly, now that I'm thinking I know I just thought about that very quickly, but I don't think I'm protecting myself um from anything. Well, I guess I I could be, but it's more shame. It's more um protecting my image, I guess, how I'm perceived, because I'm 40 years old and and I shouldn't need, right? I shouldn't need to ask for help in certain areas. But I'm not just 40 years old with a career that has been the same for years and and I'm in these routines and habits, right? I I started a new career. I started a business. I'm in a relationship that's that's you know, almost, gosh, probably, you know, coming up on two years. And and I think it's just when we when we think about where we should be, remember what we talk about with should. Should has had become and still does when that word comes up, um, the biggest critic of my life. Because sometimes what we call strength is that self-protection. But that's where we have to really look at what am I protecting myself against? Because sometimes what we're protecting ourselves against is healthy, right? Like sometimes there's a lesson in there for us to learn. And sometimes we need to have our backup against the wall and feel that a little bit. Um, but we want to get more into why receiving feels so uncomfortable. And I think receiving and rest go hand in hand, right? Because rest is what we're receiving for ourselves, and receiving is is what others do for us. Because how many times in your own life have you thought about when somebody offers help and your immediate response, I'm fine, I've got it. Don't worry about me. I I know whenever I say the words, I'm fine, just like that. I'm the opposite of fine. I'm the opposite. And certainly, and I and I know that other people in recovery can relate to this too, and and probably beyond that, when I say the words, I've got it, oh my goodness, I do not got it. And one thing I know for sure, when especially when it comes to my sobriety, I've never really got it. It's the second I start really acting like I do got it, is is when I let my guard down too much. And in all of that kind, you know, all of my demons are just waiting for me to rest on that laurel. But the question is, why? Why do we do that? And if I had to reflect on my own life and how I felt when that was going on, um, I think fear of being a burden, fear of owing someone something, the big one for me is fear of disappointing people and fear they'll eventually leave anyway, right? Because if we get used to being taken care of, that's my favorite thing to talk about, because God forbid I get used to being taken care of, right? But those are a lot of the issues that I still carry. Um, that I'm going to be abandoned, that the help that I need will somehow become too much. And people are just gonna say, I'm too much work. But if I was just taking and taking and taking and never being there for my loved ones or my partner or my friends, then I could slightly understand that. Um, but it's all about this give and take. And I think if I thought about it one layer deeper, I think receiving means surrendering, surrendering a little bit of control. Because when we not only ask for help, but we receive help, it means we lost control enough that um, or we think that we lost control enough that the outcome didn't turn out to be where where we wanted it to go. But and and when we when we help others, that's uh letting us stay in control. And if you haven't gotten the theme yet either, and I'm sorry to break it to you, but the biggest part of healing is realizing that we are not in control. You know, I there's so many phone calls, I'm sure so many of us, um myself included, can think of that completely change the trajectory of our day, our week, our life. Um so, so like I said, we can we can have control over some some things, mostly our reactions, but the idea that we are surrendering that control, if we can, if we can understand that we're not really in control in the first place, receiving becomes a lot easier. Because receiving requires vulnerability and it requires trust. And I want you to think about that. Think about that in yourself. Because when you think what is harder for you? Giving or receiving? And I haven't met many people that giving is the harder of the two. Quite the opposite. Most people that I know, and like I said, myself included, and the people that I see coming in here, and if you've been in the nurture pathway, you know that receiving is actually very difficult for you. Um, I know it's it's difficult for me. Like I said, I'm I'm getting more used to it, and it's getting a little bit easier because I've put myself in a position that there's times I have to ask for help in many aspects of my life. But I also want to talk about how often we reject support we secretly wish we had. Right? And I think it yeah, it just has so much to do with how we're perceived and we think this image that we have to put up. And it's a little bit of smoke agreement. mirrors if I'm being honest because re receiving it's we don't have to sit there and wish for this support because the other side of this that I think so many people including myself um don't realize remember what we just talked about giving we a lot of us don't have a problem with giving and a lot of people want to help so let them let them help you because especially if it's somebody that that really cares about you and that's who we're really talking about too they want to help they don't want to see you in pain or struggling and and allow them to help to the best of their ability because receiving isn't just about accepting help it's learning to receive love and you know bringing it back to recovery in the traditional sense for a bit I want to tell you a story about a conversation that I had with an aunt of mine and she was you know doing a lot of research and and interviews of of people who were struggling with substance abuse. And um she really found a common denominator in in everyone that she talked to and it was the piece that they were missing was that love, right? That unconditional love. And that's you know if they had that then it would change you know their situation or your their addiction or alcoholism. And as I was talking to her and I was really listening to her and this is someone who doesn't you know she doesn't struggle with the same um substance abuse issues that I do thankfully and I was really listening to her and I said well yeah that's that's the first half of the equation and she looked at me a little confused because to you know what else could there be? What else beyond unconditional love and support could could possibly be there. But it's it's on the fact of receiving right for us to truly get help um and and for that unconditional love to work we have to be able to know that we're worthy of receiving it. And and on that's a big part of the equation that beyond the re traditional recovery circles with substance abuse issues, I think a lot of people struggle with receiving compliments. I think of of when I'm when I'm complimenting others or when I get a compliment myself on on how I look or address a dress that I just bought or anything. It's I I I'm like instead of just saying thank you it's this very long-winded reason of of how long it took to look the way I look or or every excuse under the sun to not just receive that love and say thank you. Other receiving encouragement receiving someone believing in you my gosh does that bring me back when I think about that to early recovery in the treatment center and I can't tell you how many people who were in there as counselors and they were there as staff and they would just tell us I will believe in you until you believe in you I will love you until you love you. And that's how simple it had to be um but even though it's the most simplest statement it has the biggest impact um because there's a lot of times that we we minimize a lot of what's going on right and why do we do that? Why do we minimize we say things like it wasn't a big deal anyone would have done it or you know I'm still figuring out I'm gonna figure it out so why does criticism often feel easier to believe than kindness right um and not for everybody and not at all times in our life but I will tell you I and I think that has a lot to do with what we're used to you know when you're you're in a spot where we can hear a lot of criticism like some people I don't know maybe we know what to do with that more than we than we know what to do with kindness and and I'll tell you as a society we've set the bar pretty low on kindness um because when I just show basic empathy or or basic compassion um that kindness can feel very very uncomfortable because we live in a very tough world but for us to heal and to continue on our healing journey we must learn to receive love and receive love from your partner your family your friends your community because sometimes people aren't trying to fix us they're simply trying to love us. The question is like I said can we let them can we simply say thank you without explaining why we don't deserve it because love isn't the only thing many of us struggle to receive like I said very similar to receiving rest. And I know we've talked about this before but I think it just really has such a place in this in this episode as well but we'll just talk about it for a bit because rest isn't a reward it's a biological need. Say that with me rest is not a reward it's a biological need. Yet we treat it like it was some big dessert like we've talked about we say to ourselves continuously I'll rest when after the project after work slows down after the kids grow up after I make more money after I clean the house all these things that we keep saying to ourselves um about why we need to earn the rest and it's it's something that I actively work on. I think if I remember doing that episode if I remember correctly I even said in that episode once I get all this stuff done I can rest and I even caught myself within the episode where it was the entire topic um because it connects back with with many things that we've talked about you know our nervous system boundaries taking the middle road um because we have to ask ourselves why do we wait until collapse before giving ourselves permission to rest I still it's one of my biggest questions like I said for myself and and I do believe that is a hurdle that once we we collectively get over that um there will be a a very big ripple effect but we do have a lot of work to do before we collectively work get there. Um because when you're receiving rest um it means believing you don't have to earn your worth through exhaustion and and burnout it doesn't have to be a badge of honor like we've been treating it and restoration should happen before the breakdown but receiving also applies to something we don't often think about um receiving visibility right letting our letting our authentic self and the help that we need become visible and I can tell you that becoming visible has changed my life in so many ways but part of what I what I still work on is the perfectionism in myself and the smoke and mirrors that I honestly created for myself for a long time and still fight that urge right I like I said I'm I'm 40 years old and I have a lot of expectations that I put on myself of how I should be right now and where I should be but that's why I wanted to do everything so publicly why I wanted to share my story while building Thrive well why I wanted to start this podcast why hosting workshops and speaking in front of people and putting so much of my work on social media um and when you launch something that you've poured your heart into and you make it that visible right like I have I have a blog that I've been writing for over a year when when Thrivewell estate the brand um was trying to be a physical location and I had I I have documented the entire journey and still do to this day you know more it's more of um uh you know kind of where I'm at with things and not so much because the building phase as of now it not not over that's not the right way to put it because I'm I'm still very much building um the business and the brand but the the letters have slowed down but it's only because now I'm carrying you know I'm carrying the social media presence I'm I'm carrying the email subscriber list I'm carrying the business itself and when you are that visible in your business and yourself as a person is not an overnight success that visibility feels very vulnerable um and and we want people to see our work but we're afraid they'll truly see us right because a lot of times I know in my own experience when I was showing work I was showing the finished product and with this amount of visibility and how much I put out there it's I have I have some people and it does it's not coming from a from a bad place whatsoever. But surprise I don't I don't know what I'm doing. I'm learning every day I'm learning as I go I think if you ever waited until you were fully ready to whether to start a business or start your healing journey um you know it it you'll never do it because you're never truly ready. Part of of the process is the process itself right the how strong we get I know for an absolute fact that I am not the same woman that I was a year ago and I'm far stronger and I ask for a lot more help because when you like we said when you become that visible of visible why am I struggling with that word visibility um means receiving praise and receiving criticism and receiving misunderstanding. It means receiving all of that and to be visible there we go that was a struggle words are hard um we have to be prepared to to receive the good and the bad but like I said and when you aren't worried about how people perceive you that visibility gets easier because when you receive criticism it you know if it's not constructive you just let it pass right by um but it is but if it is productive that you you listen right and and there's there's a lot of aspect on on whether it's living life or starting a business so much of it goes hand in hand there's there's this common saying that you hear a lot, you know what you should do. And as hard as that is right because I don't like the word should but sometimes being visible in in what you're doing in your life you might get ideas from people that are actually helpful and they are constructive. And it might be something that you haven't thought about before because you're getting different vantage points but you have we have to understand that you cannot help people while remaining completely invisible. And you you also can't receive that help being remaining completely invisible and visibility it's not ego it's it's service. Sometimes also receiving visibility means believing that your voice matters believing that your story matters you know knowing that with our vulnerability gives others permission to be vulnerable as well and vulnerability is not a bad thing. And that is not only one word that I used to not be able to say um it's a word that I used not to be able to feel and now when I am at my most vulnerable I actually feel the most safe because when I'm being the most vulnerable it means that I'm being the most honest and I I that is something I am very proud of of my own growth and my healing journey but maybe the hardest you know the hardest thing to receive is letting people help you like we talked about and I want to think back to last week's episode and I can tell you with a hundred percent certainty that how these last what five or six days have gone I'm only still standing because of the support that I have and the help that I have received um between multiple aspects of my life and and to the people that reached out thank you thank you thank you because those are the words of encouragement you know something as simple as a text it has the ability to change someone's entire day whether they get out of bed in the morning or not and just knowing that there's other people out there thinking about us and and even though they might not be able to solve our problems um they're there to help us in any way that they can and there's you know my my family my friends um my boyfriend Matt Charlotte next to me you know um my my boyfriend son just his his laugh and seeing him and you know the support that the joy that that he brings me is something that helps me can you know continue on and and beyond my personal circle the customers and and people who who trust me to sign up for these workshops and to come in here and to take the quiz and for all of you um listening and what's wild to me is that you know I don't it's not that I it's not the quality um I'm not the quality it's not the quantity it is the quality um but I have people listening from all over the world and that blows my mind um so I the the fact that people give me something to show up to every week and be accountable for and you know even beyond that the community that's building through and because of ThriveWell um it those those are so many aspects of my life that help me get through the hard times and want to be more vulnerable like I said and and be more visible and and I think the more that we share like I said share our story the easier it is for people to understand where we're at and and when we do need help because I don't know about you but I don't understand for myself why why is saying thank you um harder than saying I'm fine and I don't understand that because you know I'm it's funny with this podcast I reflect on it in live time um because man that is that is that is that is hard to say it is because the thank you comes after the help. But like I said I've gotten I've I've gotten more comfortable with it um and it's important for me to to be more comfortable with that and be as strong as I can so that I can also help others and and help the ones that have helped me and and help the ones that still need help. Because remember receiving help is not weakness it it deep deepens connection and when you doubt this in yourself I I try to always bring it back to nature right trees receive the rain flowers receive the sunlight rivers receive streams and forests they share nutrients beneath the ground um nothing in nature survives alone so why do we believe we should because maybe allowing someone to help is also giving the them the opportunity to love you right like allow them to do that let them do that because maybe receiving is one of the final lessons in healing right that that is final but it will continue to pop up and that lesson will land harder and harder every time because when this culture where everything is is so productive giving feels productive right showing up for other people feels productive but receiving feels vulnerable receiving says I am worthy I don't have to earn care. I don't have to carry everything alone so with that I think I've been rambling long enough now and you can tell by the tone of my voice that receiving help has been very good for me in comparison to how I sounded during last week's episode but I want to challenge you I want to challenge everybody who's listening to accept one compliment this week let someone buy you a coffee ask for help take the nap simply say thank you because those challenges when you are not in a space where you're used to receiving love right and receiving help those challenges are going to be very difficult but I really push you to try and reflect how on how every living thing in nature survives by both giving and receiving when you are struggling with those challenges. Just really really sit with that and and it will help you because the more I've leaned into nature and understanding the seasons and how everything works together and nothing in nature feels bad about receiving what they need because part of what is in nature is also giving so it's that full circle. But as a final takeaway I want you to think about this that perhaps healing isn't just learning how to love others better. Perhaps it's finally believing you're worthy of receiving the same love yourself. So with that thank you all so much again for spending another Friday with me I I know I said it last week and I'll say it every single week I don't take this podcast for granted. I don't take any of you for granted I find this I am I am absolutely honored and and so thankful that I find myself in the position that I am in and that's why I want to continue my own healing journey and continue to get stronger and be more visible and be more vulnerable but not only be stronger but also show my weakness and and because showing your weakness is not weakness it's a strength because we all have weak points and we all have tough times but what are we doing about it right and in the meantime until next week be gentle with yourself yourself and let someone love you and remember sometimes the bravest thing you can do is simply receive.