Becoming the Sanctuary is a podcast about healing, human connection, and the journey of returning to yourself in a world that constantly pulls you away from who you are. Through personal storytelling, the Thrivewell Core Philosophy, and honest conversations about growth, sobriety, mindfulness, and purpose, this podcast explores what it truly means to rebuild a life with intention.
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We hear phrases like “listen to your body,” “get out of your head,” and “be present” all the time. They sound simple, but what happens when you actually try to do them and realize you have no idea how?
That’s where we’re going in Episode 14 of Becoming the Sanctuary.
Last week, in The Body Remembers Everything, we explored what our bodies carry through every chapter of our lives, not only difficult experiences, but also safety, connection, comfort, movement, love, and joy. This week, we’re taking the next step and asking: If the body has been carrying us all along, how do we actually come back to it?
Because it’s one thing to tell someone to listen to their body. It’s another thing entirely to know what you’re listening for.
I know this personally because my mind is very comfortable being in charge. I analyze, plan, predict, organize, problem-solve, replay conversations, and imagine possibilities. Give me one decision and I can mentally travel ten steps down five different paths before I’ve taken the first one.
Our minds are extraordinary, and this episode isn’t about making them the enemy. Thinking, imagining, planning, and problem-solving help us navigate our lives. The challenge comes when thought becomes the only place we’re living.
Sometimes we’re physically present while mentally somewhere completely different. We sit with someone we love while thinking about tomorrow. We finally have time to rest while mentally organizing everything we need to do next. Meanwhile, we may not notice we’re holding our breath, clenching our jaw, carrying tension in our shoulders, ignoring hunger, or pushing through exhaustion.
We can become incredibly practiced at overriding ourselves.
And then someone says, “Return to your body.”
Okay…but how?
That’s something I really wanted to acknowledge in this episode: reconnecting with the body can actually be hard. Embodiment is sometimes presented as though we close our eyes, take a deep breath, and immediately enter a peaceful state of presence. For many of us, that isn’t what happens.
Sometimes stillness makes the mind louder. Sometimes focusing on breathing makes us wonder whether we’re doing it correctly. Sometimes movement brings up comparison instead of connection. Sometimes we’re asked what we’re feeling in our body and the most truthful answer is, “I honestly have no idea.”
We need to make room for that answer.
Returning to the body isn’t another wellness practice to master. It’s a relationship, and relationships take time to build. Maybe we start by making it simpler. Instead of immediately asking what something means, we notice what’s happening: tight shoulders, a clenched jaw, hunger, restlessness, exhaustion, warmth, ease, or a change in our breathing.
What if listening begins before understanding?
Breath can become one doorway back. We don’t need a complicated technique to notice the breath we’re already taking. Are you holding it? Is it shallow? Does it change when you’re overwhelmed? Sometimes the breath doesn’t need to change how we feel. It simply reminds us where we are.
Movement can be another doorway. We often treat movement as something that has to accomplish something, to exercise, become stronger, become more flexible, or change our bodies. But movement doesn’t always need an outcome.
It can be stretching after sitting too long, rolling your shoulders, walking outside, dancing in the kitchen, changing positions, or practicing yoga. This has become especially meaningful to me as I deepen my own relationship with yoga. For a long time, comparison and my lack of flexibility helped keep me away from something I felt drawn toward.
But what changes when movement stops being about how the body looks and becomes about how the body feels? What if the question isn’t, “Am I doing this correctly?” but, “What am I experiencing while I’m doing this?”
Sometimes movement interrupts the endless loop of thinking because, for a moment, we’re experiencing instead of analyzing.
Our senses can offer another way back. The mind can replay yesterday and rehearse tomorrow, but our senses are experiencing right now. Drinking your coffee and actually tasting it. Feeling warm water in the shower. Noticing the smell of rain. Hearing birds outside. Feeling the breeze against your skin. Running your hand through your dog’s fur. Listening to a song without doing three other things at the same time.
Embodiment doesn’t always require a formal practice. Sometimes it requires paying attention.
And that brings us to the heart of this episode: the practice isn’t staying. The practice is returning.
We can turn being present into another impossible expectation. We imagine that if we’re doing this correctly, we’ll remain perfectly connected to ourselves, notice every need, never overthink, and stay grounded regardless of what happens.
That’s not realistic.
Our minds will wander. We’ll get distracted, overthink, get busy, ignore something we need, or fall into an old pattern. We’ll have days when we feel deeply connected to ourselves and days when we don’t.
None of that means we’ve failed.
There’s a reason the Thrivewell philosophy is built around the Five Pillars of Return. Ground when you’re scattered. Cleanse when you’re carrying too much. Protect when something needs a boundary. Nourish when you’re depleted. Align when you’ve drifted away from yourself.
Then life happens, and you return again.
That’s the practice.
The goal was never to stay perfectly connected to ourselves. The practice is learning to notice when we’ve left and slowly learning the way back.
And your way back might look completely different from mine. Maybe stillness restores you. Maybe it makes your thoughts louder. Maybe you reconnect through breath, movement, yoga, music, nature, creativity, journaling, touch, scent, solitude, a shower, a walk, dancing in your kitchen, or sitting quietly with your dog.
There isn’t one correct doorway into embodiment, and even your own doorway may change depending on the day. What helps when your mind is racing may be different from what helps when you’re exhausted or overstimulated.
This is why I think of the Thrivewell philosophy as offering tools rather than rules. Maybe part of returning is building your own collection of tools. What brings me back when my mind is racing? What helps when I’m depleted? What makes me feel connected after spending the entire day in my thoughts?
You don’t need one perfect answer. You need ways back.
We talk about “coming back to our bodies” as though our bodies were the ones that went somewhere. They weren’t. Our attention did.
Life became loud. Our minds became busy. We started planning, producing, anticipating, worrying, solving, and surviving. Meanwhile, the body stayed right here, breathing, moving, experiencing, carrying us through the day whether we were paying attention to it or not.
Returning doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be noticing one breath. Stretching after sitting too long. Feeling your feet against the ground. Eating when you’re hungry. Stopping when you’re exhausted. Letting yourself hear the song that’s playing. Looking at someone you love and actually being there with them.
Those moments count.
Last week, we talked about everything the body remembers. This week, maybe the question is simpler: Are we willing to come back and listen?
Not to understand everything. Not to fix everything. Not even to change how we’re feeling. Just to recognize that we’re here, breathing, moving, sensing, and living inside this body that has carried us through every version of ourselves.
Maybe becoming the sanctuary isn’t about never leaving ourselves. It’s about knowing we can come home.
You don’t have to stay perfectly connected to yourself. You just need to keep learning your way back.
Hi everybody, and welcome back to Becoming the Sanctuary. If this is your first time here, my name is Kelly, founder of Thrival Estate and Thrivewell Hub, our first physical branch here in Whitensville, Massachusetts. This podcast is a space where we explore healing, embodiment, emotional awareness, creativity, human connection, and what it actually means to return to yourself while still living inside a very overwhelming world. If you listen to episode 13, you know we just had a pretty big conversation about the body, what it carries, what it remembers, and the fact that our bodies haven't only been present for the difficult experiences, they've also been there for every moment of safety, connection, laughter, movement, love, comfort, and joy. And I knew almost immediately that I didn't want to leave the conversation there. Because there's a really important question that comes after realizing how much our bodies have experienced and carried. How do we actually come back to them? It's one thing for me to sit here and say, listen to your body. It's an entirely different thing to know how. And I think that's something we sometimes skip over in conversations about embodiment. We're told to get out of our heads, be present, listen to our bodies, trust ourselves, slow down, breathe, feel our feelings. Okay, but how? Especially when you've spent years becoming incredibly good at living in your head. I know this one personally because my mind is very, very comfortable being in charge. It wants to understand everything. It wants to analyze, plan, predict, organize, solve, anticipate, connect the dots, and create a story around whatever I'm experiencing. If something happens, my brain wants to understand why. If something might happen, it wants to prepare for every possible version of it. If I have a decision to make, I can very easily think myself 10 steps down five different paths before I've actually taken one. And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. Our minds are extraordinary. My ability to think deeply, imagine possibilities, problem solve, create, and plan has served me incredibly well. It's helped me build things, it's helped me survive things, it helped me understand myself, it's helped me create thrive well. And I don't want this conversation to become another version of your mind is the problem, because it's not. But sometimes the mind gets so loud that we stop noticing everything happening underneath it. We don't realize we're holding our breath while we're concentrating. We don't notice how tense our shoulders have become. We don't realize we've been sitting in the exact same position for hours. We don't notice we're hungry because we're trying to finish one more thing. And we don't recognize we're exhausted until we've reached the point where our body essentially makes the decision for us. And sometimes we don't notice that something feels good either. We're having a beautiful conversation, but part of our mind is already thinking about what we have to do afterward. We're outside on a gorgeous day, but we're answering an email. Someone we love is sitting across from us, but we're mentally working through tomorrow's schedule. Our bodies are experiencing our lives while our minds are somewhere else entirely. And then someone tells us to return to the body, as though there's this switch we're supposed to know how to flip. There isn't. At least I haven't found one yet. And I think that's important to say because reconnecting with your body can actually be really hard. Sometimes when we slow down, we don't immediately feel peaceful. Sometimes stillness can make our thoughts louder. Sometimes someone tells us to focus on our breathing, and suddenly we're thinking about whether we're breathing correctly. Sometimes we try yoga and spend half the class wondering whether our body looks anything like the person next to us. And sometimes someone asks, What do you feel in your body? And the most truthful answer is, I have absolutely no idea. And that's okay. Because returning to the body isn't another thing we're supposed to be good at. It's not another achievement, it's not another wellness practice we can fail. It's a relationship. And relationships take time to build. I think that's especially important for those of us who become very accustomed to overriding ourselves. We push through being tired because something needs to get done. We ignore the hunger because we're busy. We say yes when something inside of us is asking for space. And we keep moving because stopping feels uncomfortable. We convince ourselves we're fine because intellectually we can make a very good argument for why we should be fine. Eventually, it can become difficult to distinguish between what we're actually experiencing and what our minds have decided we should be experiencing. And that's what I want to explore today. Not how to shut the mind off, not how to become perfectly present, and definitely not how to live in some permanent state of embodiment where you're completely connected to yourself every second of every day. I don't think that that's realistic. I want to talk about returning. Because there's a reason the philosophy I created is called the five pillars of return. Not the five pillars of perfection, not the five pillars of never getting overwhelmed again, return. You leave, you notice, you come back. Your mind starts racing, you notice, you come back. You get busy and realize you've been ignoring what you need, you notice, you come back. And sometimes you may leave again five minutes later, and that's okay. The practice isn't staying, the practice is returning. And I want to think about, I remember um when I was in early, early in my treatment, and they were talking about we had this um this group that was morning meditation. And when I first started, I I told them, I can't, I can't meditate. I don't know how to meditate. My mind, I knew it was already moving fast. I didn't realize how fast my mind actually moves until years later into my sobriety, but but I knew it was very hard to quiet. And there is this one woman there, and I still think about her today. Her name is Hana. Um, and I I forget exactly where she was from, but that's not the point. Um she gave me a piece of advice, and if she's listening, I hope she knows that this really affected me in the most beautiful way, but she said that there's no way to meditate wrong. And coming from a person who has a problem with perfectionism, that simply did not make any sense to me. Um, but she said meditation is about awareness and returning, right? She said, so if you're trying to meditate and your mind wanders and you notice that and you bring it back, and that is your 20-minute, 30-minute, 60-minute, whatever the meditation is, and that's what you're constantly doing, that's still meditating because you are aware that your mind is wandering. So I really think about that as well, because when you think about the practice is returning, like we just said, because there's so many different doorways back. Sometimes it's breath, sometimes it's movement, sometimes it's stretching your body after sitting for three hours. Sometimes it's walking outside and feeling the air hit your face. Sometimes it's noticing the temperature of the coffee you're drinking instead of mindlessly finishing it while answering emails. Sometimes it's music, touch, scent, nature, creativity. And sometimes it's simply feeling your feet on the floor and remembering, oh, I'm here. And I think that's where this conversation becomes a really beautiful continuation of um episode 13. Because we talked about everything that the body has carried, and now I want to talk about what happens when we intentionally turn our intention, our attention back toward it. What does it mean to return to the body when the mind wants to take over? How do we begin listening when we don't even know what we're listening for? And how do breath, movement, our senses, and small moments of awareness help us reconnect without turning embodiment into another thing we have to perform perfectly? Because maybe returning to the body isn't about finally reaching some profound state where your mind becomes quiet and you never disconnect from yourself again. Maybe it's much simpler than that. Maybe it's learning to recognize when you've wandered away and slowly learning your own way back. All right, let's dive into this. Alright, so what I want to start with talking about is when the mind takes over, right? So it's very, very easy to live almost entirely in your head. Now, I want to open this up with, I won't say who who it is, but I have a friend of mine that I remember this conversation that we had a few years ago. And we've been friends for a very long time. And I was telling, you know, reminiscing, telling about stories about when we were kids or things that were just happening years and years and years ago. And also you have to take into account before I tell you the story, you have to imagine how much I've drank in my life, right? So the memory shouldn't be as clear as it is in the first place. So then in comparison with somebody who doesn't drink a lot, it was pretty shocking to learn that he doesn't remember, right? And so we were talking, he's like, How do you have such an amazing memory with all of these moments that we had? Like, I don't, I don't remember any of them, and there's so much that I don't remember. Um and just in that moment, I said, Well, I think I think that might have something to do with you never being able to be in the present, being in the moment. And he kind of gave me this look like he wasn't sure what I was talking about. I said, Well, you're you're most of the time, um, and he's done a lot of work on himself, so this is has gotten um much better, and I'm I'm really proud of his growth just in himself. Um, but he had a lot of ability, and especially as a kid, um, to really think a lot about what had happened in the past and really stressed, stressing and anxious about what was coming in the future. And so we both kind of had this moment of like, oh my gosh. So you're never in the moment, you're never retaining those memories because you're he was so much in the past or so much in the future. So I wanted to open up with that story because that's something that can happen when your mind takes over. You're not even having memories of the life that you're living. And again, come back to the culture, it's very easy to live in our head. So we start planning, we start analyzing, um, we start replaying. Ugh, the replaying um so many of the things that I've done in my past that I'm not very proud of or wish I did a little bit differently, or um those can play like a like an old movie, just going and going. Um, and we can really try to predict what's coming next. Uh, there's a lot of problem solving that can happen. And and for me, when my mind is taking over, because it's an important skill to have to be a problem solver, but you want to learn to be a problem solver in the moment, like when the problem pops up, be able to solve it. Because if you're anything like me, I was I was trying to solve problems that didn't even exist. And to be perfectly honest with you, I would say about 95% of the problems that I was trying to solve never even happened at all. So you you start imagining every single possible outcome and trying to prepare for it. And I remember, you know, in early treatment too, my my therapist, she was she was really amazing. Um, she was she was really good. And she we talked about that, how much I live in the future and I'm future tripping and I'm worried about all these problems that can arise before they even get there. And she said in in you know, slightly different words, but basically, how can one human being, you know, I just wanted to be prepared for whatever could come my way? And she said, What human being would actually be able to do that? How can you it's an endless list? How can you possibly be prepared for any situation that comes towards you? And the answer is it's not possible. We can have plan A, B, and C, but what happens if plan, you know, a D situation pops up that we didn't even know exist, and then we spent all that energy for plan A, B, and C. Um, but again, it's important to have a general plan, but you don't want to spend so much time with analyzing and predicting and problem solving for situations that haven't happened. It's that's fear-based. Um, because thinking can feel like action, right? And like I said, you you start solving those problems that haven't even happened. And like I said in the intro, my ability to plan 10 steps ahead. But I what's the ironic part of it is that I can default back into that and need to do that. And the problem that does pop up isn't one of any of those 10 pathways. Like any of those 10 problems that I was playing for, they didn't happen. One that I didn't even know was possible is what I had to work through. And I did it in the moment. Because your mind isn't the enemy, your mind it's what protects you and helps you build. It's it's what got me to where I am today. And you can physically be somewhere while mentally being somewhere completely different. So you want to think the problem, it's it's when the thought becomes the only place that you're living, right? Again, our minds are not a problem. They're very, they're amazing things, and and the research that continues to come out that we've really only tapped into a very small percentage of what our brains are actually capable of. But when that is the only place that you're living, that impressiveness of the brain and how endless it is can become a maze, and you can completely get lost in there. And I want to think about how often we miss what is actually happening because we're preparing for what comes next. Think about the story about my friend. We can because then what we start to do is when we live entirely in our brain, we can even think our way out of good moments. We can be so fearful, right? Because living in your brain has a lot to do with fear. We can be so fearful that or or not even fearful, that's not the right word. That I don't know, you ever go to a party or a wedding, or I mean hell, even eating like a really, really good sandwich. We're enjoying something, but we're already thinking about when it ends. We're celebrating something, but immediately thinking about the next goal. We're resting, but we're mentally writing tomorrow's to-do list. Like we're we're not we're not in the moment because we're already thinking about the next thing. Right? Like every month I should be celebrating another month. I'm still open, I'm still here, but it's like, oh, I can't wait to get to six months, and I can't wait to get to a year. Every month is a celebration, and every month on the 21st, I should be doing a little bit, not it doesn't need to be balloons everywhere, but just being in the moment and understanding how far I've come and what it took to get to here. And I want you to think about all of this yourself. How often are you physically somewhere your mind has already left? Right? I do it all the time, but remember the practice isn't perfection, the practice is returning, it's that continuation of coming back to ourselves when our mind has run away. And I think that's why telling someone to simply listen to your body can be much harder than it sounds. Because reconnecting with your body is hard, it's very hard, and it's something that I work on every single day, every single day. And to me, it's not like it's uh this tedious, it's like the same as my sobriety, right? At first it was really hard, and um I mean that's where I kind of am now with reconnecting to my body, it's like early sobriety, but early reconnecting, if that makes sense. Um, and it and it takes practice, but it's so worth it. And and most of the times in any aspect of my healing journey, and even before that, when something was really hard and I accomplished it, I felt really proud of myself. In about a week and a half, and it really snuck up on me. I am not trained, I am not ready, I've gained weight, I don't feel good, but I'm doing it anyways. Um, I have the Falmouth Road race that this will be the seventh year I've run it. Um, this will be my fourth time sober. I'm running for a new team. They're called Recovery Without Walls down the Cape, you should look them up. Amazing organization. Um, but that race is hard every year, whether I train or don't. It is hard. But the feeling I get with crossing that finish line and doing something that I didn't think was possible or didn't think I could do again, or that I'm getting too old, whatever those reasons I try to tell myself, it is so rewarding. Because when we talk about reconnecting with the body, we don't want to romanticize it, right? Embodiment is not this moment where you're all of a sudden like every piece of your body just clicks into perfect place, and suddenly you can feel every fiber of every muscle. I mean, for most of the time, for me, and especially when you first start, it really feels awkward. Um, because you genuinely, sometimes you genuinely don't know what you're feeling. I remember taking this lesson with my friend, and he has he has horses, and he has a big, I've talked about it before, he has a big um team that goes out to regional championships every year that I help with. But I remember he was giving me a lesson and I was so out of shape. Um, I lost a lot of weight, yes, but I was very out of shape. And his horse, oh, Preston, who is no longer with us, um, just such a perfect, perfect boy. He just carried me around while I was in survival mode. And Kevin called me out for that. You know, you're in survival mode. We've got to get you in a little bit more shape so you can actually feel what is happening to your body because he asked me. Can I feel the inside muscle of my thigh? And my response, jokingly but not jokingly, was I can't even feel my effing leg. Like I could not even feel my leg. Never mind this one muscle group. Um, and it's because we've become disconnected from the basic fig physical signals, right? And when you're in survival mode, that's that's even it's even more disconnected. But think about the history of that, right? That the core of survival mode is we don't really want to feel our body because we, I mean, we do in the sense of we know we need to react to something. But I remember if there's times when I was truly in survival mode for the right reasons and I was able to sprint a mile and didn't feel a thing. You know, the next day I certainly did. Um, but I didn't feel it at the time. And just think about just day-to-day, right? Not not necessarily embodiment, but hunger, thirst, exhaustion, tension. All of that can be in our body and we don't even feel it. I mean, it's ironic that I've started to put on weight because for the most part, when I really work hard, I forget to eat and I just blow right through those hunger feelings to the point where I no longer even felt them. There was a long time, and especially when I got down to about 125 pounds, I'm sure my body was screaming hunger pains, but I no longer felt them because I just became so disconnected from it. But we need to understand, we need to know when we need movement or we need rest or we need space. But think about in your own life. I know I have about how often we override those signals. I'll eat after I finish this, I'll rest when uh this is done. I'm fine, my favorite. I can push through. Sometimes we become so accustomed to overriding ourselves that we stop noticing we're doing it. And then, of course, when you have been disconnected from your body as long as most of us have, returning can feel really unfamiliar. Um, we can really start feeling parts of our body that's a little more nerve-wracking. Um, because sometimes not being able to feel it is scary because you know, it's it's like I'm trying to think of the best way to explain this. So I knew I was an alcoholic for a really long time, um, but I just didn't want to admit it. And then when I finally did accept that I needed help and I went to detox, I saw so many people there on like really hard drugs, and you know, they were there instead of going to jail, or and I had this thought of, you know, I don't, I'm not really an alcoholic, I don't need to be here. And then my body went through detox. Then I went through the physical withdrawals. I was hallucinating, I was sweating, I was sick. Um, thankfully, I was in a in a uh treatment facility, so I did not seizure, but that can be very scary. But my point to bring all that up is I did not know how addicted my body and how dependent my body was on alcohol, and I had this thought that I wasn't, but I didn't feel those withdrawal symptoms yet. So when I did, um it made me realize just how how disconnected from my body I really was, and my body was screaming that week. But then at the same time, um, stillness, like when we do come back, that's the part that can be really hard too, is the stillness aspect of it. It it doesn't automatically equal peace. When you first start practicing it, it's honestly the complete opposite. There's a lot of anxiety involved, there's a lot of you feeling flighty, like you need to go somewhere. There's a lot of emotions, right, that start bubbling up because the quiet can make the mind louder. And focusing on the body can feel uncomfortable. Like I said, we we have that um we have that awareness now of how disconnected we are. And then the mind being loud, I mean, the first time I really tried to sit with myself, every single conversation that I wasn't thrilled with that I had started popping up in my brain almost immediately. But again, it's just to continue to come back to the body when those when those thoughts hit. But if you don't know what's going on in your body, don't don't make not knowing another failure. Because we, as a society and as a culture, we are very disconnected. Very, very disconnected. And I think a lot of times if you've taken my quiz, um, whether it be online or or here in person, I tell people that the results that they get can can answer how disconnected we are in general, right? Because the way the quiz works is the first part is to determine what pillar you're in. And that's what your body needs the most, right? Whether it be ground, cleanse, protect, nourish, or align. And the majority of the people, right, a very small percentage, very small percentage, will have a very high dominance in one letter. Um, and that letter is associated with a pillar. So out of 20 questions, they get 15 in one one pillar, and then the rest are kind of spread over, spread about. And when I see that result, I ask that person, what do you do for practice? Like I just know they'll say, Oh, I do yoga three times a week, I meditate, I listen to podcasts, I read a lot of books, I do a lot of inner work, I do a lot of shadow work. That makes sense. They're a lot more in touch with their body, but the majority of people, uh, about yeah, like I would say 90% of the people taking that quiz, we barely get one of the pillars as the dominant one. And their answers are almost even. And and that's because we we we didn't just wake up this connect this disconnected. We got here for a reason. So just try to show yourself grace in that, and it's gonna take time to get back connected to it. I'm I'm certainly only just beginning my journey um with really you know practicing that embodiment. And I'm trying to show myself the same grace. But try to just start with what you can notice. Have like a little checklist on your desk wherever you may work, or if you are stay at home, put it somewhere you're frequent. Are my shoulders tight? Is my jaw clenched? Are my hands cold? Or am I having this feeling of restlessness? Do I have fatigue? Am I surrounded by warmth? Do I have relaxation? And you don't need to know why immediately. Observation comes before interpretation. Remember that. And that's a common theme that we have here at Thrive Well 2 is observing, right? Noticing, looking for the patterns. Let's interpret it later. We're we're just getting going on this journey, so that will come. But think about for yourself what if listening begins with understanding? And one place we can begin noticing without needing to understand everything is something we're already doing all day long. Breathing. Because breath as is um how do I want to put that? Breath itself is a point of return. Think about when you're having a panic attack. What do people tell you? Just breathe. It does not mean just in the sense of like, oh, all you have to do is breathe. Like it's not that bad. No, it is bad. A panic attack. If you've had them, um they're really scary and they're hard, and your body gets out of control. And if you've never had them, you're very lucky. Um, because it is this feeling of this impending doom that you can't explain. Um, and it is felt. It's not your mind, it's you know, it's your body just having this visceral reaction. So your breath is what can help regulate that back down. I will tell you there are some days in my early recovery that the only thing that got me through the day was my breath. I think part of the reason I'm still here today is learning to use my breath as a tool. But don't go and turn breath into another performance, okay? I don't need you already sitting down there trying to do these deep, you know, some uh the somatic, I think that's what, yeah, somatic um breathing, or we're really trying to do these really impressive, like start slow, like the same thing we always talk about. Just a good practice I like to do is it doesn't matter the count. Try to just when you're breathing and you're focused on it, make sure your exhale is longer. So the count I do is inhale for four, one, two, three, four, exhale for six, one, two, three, four, five, six. Doesn't matter how deep you go, just that your exhale is a little bit longer. Start there, start on the simple breath work, because breath work can mean many different things. Um and definitely when you go into those deeper breath works, like those formal practices. I highly recommend um appropriately trained practitioners because your breath can do amazing things with your body. So you just want to make sure you're in a safe space and understanding it properly. Um, but like we said, today just focus on simple awareness. Just notice your breath, even notice it before you try to change it. Ask yourself are you holding it? Is it shallow? Are you sighing? Does it change when you're concentrating? Does it change around certain people? And what happens when you intentionally notice one breath? Because for me, what I'm trying to work on is expanding my breath. I do have a very shallow breathing. I mean, part of that has something to do with the fact that I had COVID three times, um, and and um some other like bronchitis type where my lungs have been, I think, permanently affected. So I've been working on expanding my breath. Um, but breath doesn't need to fix the feeling, right? You don't have to force yourself into the calm. But sometimes, and especially when you are flighty, right? Because I, as I just mentioned in a panic attack or just in a stressful situation, it's like somebody saying to calm down. Sometimes it some hearing take a deep breath is the last thing we want to hear when overwhelmed. Um, but it's not calm, you're not trying to just calm yourself down, it's the presence. The breath is happening now, and what an incredibly amazing thing about your breath is that it's the only part of your body that is automatic and voluntary, right? It's intentional too, not voluntary, that's not the right word, because if you stop doing it for too long, that's not good, but it can be an you can you can change it, right? And some may say, well, you can change your heart rate. Yeah, if you what hold your breath or like start breathing really quickly, you can change your heart rate, but it's not you physically making the choice to change your heart. That's a that's a reaction to your breath. Your breath is what you are changing. Um so that for some reason just blew me away, and how much of a powerful tool that it is, that it can just go on its own, but you also can start manipulating it and breathe more intentionally. So, because your mind can be in yesterday or tomorrow, your next breath and the breath that you're breathing, the breath that I am breathing right now as I'm speaking to you, can only happen right here, right now. Because sometimes breath doesn't need to change how we feel, it just simply needs to remind us where we are. But breath isn't everyone's easiest doorway back. Sometimes the body wants to move. For me, breath work is incredible. I took a formal breath work class, and it was the only thing to really put me into this meditative state, like I was into my subconscious. But getting there was very difficult. Laying still, really following along with the breath work. I was criticizing how I was breathing. Um, so sometimes it's not the easiest doorway back, but there's other options, but it's definitely something I highly recommend coming back to with practice. So when our body wants to move, there's one part of it though that we need to remember. It want we want movement without performance. And by movement, I do not automatically mean exercise. And most of the time, um, when we're talking about embodiment, it doesn't have you we're not talking about burning calories, we're not talking about changing your body, and you definitely do not need to look impressive. I assure you that some of my best movement where I really came back into my body, uh it was the least impressive looking thing because I was all over the place. But maybe in that sense, because of the freedom with it, it was really impressive. But the point is, I don't care, it doesn't have to look impressive. That's not my focus. You want to think about stretching, walking, rolling your shoulders is a big one. Really getting your body back in touch, and especially you got that vagus nerve. Anyone who has taken my intuition workshop, um, and I'm sure we'll be talking about that on this in this podcast at some point, more about intuition than the vagus nerve, but really thinking about the movement around that vagus nerve. Um, so rolling your shoulder, shake the shake out your hands, right? Because if you look at animals, we've talked about this before, but stagnant energy, which is emotion that is not moved through, is not processed, it it stays a stagnant energy in our body. And if an if an animal is feeling something like they were just scared, or um they see something they want to go after, or whatever, like when they have this big burst of some sort of emotion within them, they shake. So watch that. Because we are mammals after all, right? And we've just our mind is what has changed us into who we are now, which is good and bad. Um, and I don't even like the word bad, it's not really bad, it's we're where we're supposed to be and and now we're meant to come back. Dancing. Oh, my favorite. Dancing is so empowering for your embodiment. Um, changing positions, right? If you're sitting there, if you have to work at a desk for work, of course. Get one of those chairs where you can change your positions a lot. Try not to just there's a reason all these chairs are changing, and they're not just the plain office chair. I have one that pulls a little footrest out, so I can sit, you know, crisscross, I can stretch my legs out. It's really nice. Reach overhead, really stretch your arms up and over your body, really get that whole spine to stretch out. Move your neck, move it all around, roll it back and forth. Really get the body moving. Yoga, something I'm I'm really leaning into lately. Um, well, trying to, just a few days in of really practicing that. Um, but I can already feel the dedication to that practice because I'm coming at it differently. I'm not judging how flexible I am. I am probably the least flexible person you know. And if you saw my post, you saw it. Like I can't, when I'm doing the forward folds, I mean my hands are like at my knees and my knees are bent and like I'm barely folded over. But I don't care because I no longer care how I look. I want it, I want it to be more about how I feel and how it connects. So um, so just my own relationship with yoga now, talking about movement without performance. And I'm I'm so I'm a beginner, you know. I've taken a few classes over the years, so I'm not like beginner, beginner, but I definitely have a ways to go, and I'm really proud of the work that I have chosen to put into that. Um, and and I'm sure that it will end up helping with my flexibility, and I'm sure I'll see those results, not anytime soon, but over time. Um because when I was allowing comparison to keep me away from something I felt drawn to, I mean, talk about even more disconnection. My body is craving that, and I'm just like, oh, I'm gonna get compared to certain people. It's too much of a regular path for people in recovery. Like, I mean, I was talking to somebody yesterday, we sat down and just had a really strong connection from one of the vendor fairs that I was at. So we met, and um, I was telling her about it, and she was really funny because I didn't think of it this way, but and I should have, because The Mountain is You is such an important book that I loved, and it talks about self-sabotage into self-mastery, and she's like, You were self-sabotaging. And even when you eat, breathe, and sleep healing, sometimes you miss the most obvious um answer, and that's that's exactly what I was doing. But think about what changes when movement becomes about experiencing your body rather than judging it, right? Like you don't you don't have to look like anyone else. Am I ever gonna become one of those um yoga people that are able to do a headstand and like contort their body? I don't know. But is that my goal? No, absolutely not. Just getting more in touch with my own body is my goal. Um, and using what I'm learning in that in my offerings for Thrive While here at the hub. But um your body, it it doesn't have to look like anyone else, it doesn't have to move like anyone else. It just has to be you and and notice what movement makes you feel good, and notice what feels freeing, notice what helps you reconnect because movement can interrupt the endless thinking loop because suddenly you're experiencing rather than analyzing. And something that I'm going to do for myself as I start this more dedicated yoga journey is a journal. I'm gonna keep a yoga journal. What poses make me feel uncomfortable? What poses make me feel good? And then you just start recognizing those patterns and it the ones that make me feel good. Let's see what they have in common and what they don't. And same for the ones that make me feel uncomfortable. But for your own self, I want to ask you a question: what movement actually feels good to you? Not what movement do you think you should be doing? Because sometimes returning doesn't require much movement at all. Sometimes it starts with noticing what's already around us. So one of my favorite talking points is this next section: returning through the senses, and give me an immersive experience, and I am happy as a clam. I love an immersive experience that connects all of your senses, and I have so many ideas for the future of Thrive Well. Um, but we're not there yet. Most of them are really expensive, so it's gonna take some time. But your senses are naturally present tense sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste. Your mind can replay yesterday, and your mind can imagine next year, but your senses like your breath. Are you experiencing now? Now, with that being said, you can smell something that reminds that you have a physical reaction to that it reminds you of something, and then it's your brain interpreting it. Oh, those were the flowers that were at my grandmother's funeral. That's why it's making me feel all different types of way. So I don't want us to get lost that this sounds um contradictory. Because just remember how what our mind does, our mind interprets what our body is saying. But we've got to get that connection and that return back. But um, and we don't we don't want to make sensory awareness overly complicated, right? Let's just bring it as simple as possible because we have a tendency to overcomplicate everything in the morning, tomorrow morning, if you drink coffee and you're having a coffee, or at some point today, whenever, your next cup of coffee, actually taste it. Take that split second when you're sipping to really taste it. Is it a stronger brew? Is it a lighter roast? Really taste it. Feel the water in the shower, feel the temperature, feel the pressure. Do you have shower steamers in there? Experience the essential oils. The next time it rains, notice the rain. Feel the breeze. Listen to the birds. Feel your feet inside of your shoes. Feel the texture. Right? I think for me, um like when I'm petting Charlotte, I want to really notice her fur and and the texture of it and how it feels. I think what it'll probably tell me is that she needs bath because uh, spoiler alert, she does. Um, but smell something familiar, right? Is it is it your parents' perfume or clone? Or the candle that somebody you cared about would always light, or um, I don't know, it could be anything. Laundry detergent, even some people, some I will get stopped. I don't know what the laundry detergent my friend um his mom uses, but man, it brings me back every time. Um, but just really think about that. Listen to a song without doing something else simultaneously. Really listen to it, right? Like I I have the ability. It's it's it's I promise you, it's not a brag. It's actually, it's probably more I don't know. I don't know if it's a problem. I'm trying not to blame, like I said in this episode, I'm trying not to blame my mind for the things it can do because it is actually quite impressive when I think about it. But when I edit or I read, or especially the content that I put out, I'm listening to music at the same time. And I'm going beating along with the song and I'm reading what I'm reading. But I think what's happening is I'm giving about 75% attention to both. So when I listen to music now, and think about in your own life, have you ever heard a song that's from like 20 years ago and you listen to it now, and you're like, whoa, I never actually listened to the lyrics to that, like that was incredible. And there's a song, I have to look it up right now, so forgive me, but um what was it called? And people are gonna be mad when they realize that it's it's that obvious of a song. But oh, lightning crashes, right? By live. This song, I don't know if you've ever listened to the lyrics, and this is probably gonna be terrible quality. I apologize, and we won't listen to the whole song, but like just listening to intro. I'll stop talking. Okay, so it turns out not only was it not, I mean, it was terrible quality, but because my microphone for some reason wouldn't even pick it up, so um, I'm gonna just read you these beginning lyrics because when I heard, and I hadn't heard this in like 10 years, something like that. And I was on a walk with Charlotte, and I was just like, holy moly! Um, starts with lightning crashes, a new mother cries, her placenta falls to the floor. The angel opens her eyes, the confusion sets in before the doctor can even close the door. Lightning crashes, an old mother dies, her intentions fall to the floor, the angel closes her eyes, the confusion that was hers belongs now to the baby down the hall. Like, when you really listen to the lyrics of that song, it's definitely I never heard those lyrics before, and I know I've heard this song quite a few times in my life. Um, but that's when you're not doing anything else simultaneously and you're really listening to the lyrics, and some of those songs that we listen to as teenagers, and then we listen to them as adults, like the lyrics can even have a different meaning from when we we first experienced it. Um but uh something else you can do, and this can be done anywhere. Notice the physical environment you're sitting in. Um, we have this, I do a Thrive Well reset class, which I'm about to announce all the workshops, which I know I've been saying I'm gonna do all week, but I promise I'm actually going to do that today. Um, but it starts with just observing, orienting ourselves with the space that we're in, noticing the colors, the textures, the smells. Um, because scent itself is especially powerful. It's noticing the smells around you, um, and then how that space makes you feel when that's why I do a lot with scent and and really learning more and understanding more about aromatherapy, because we can create the safeness in the smell with the moments in the environment that we're in, and and retraining, like we say, not only our mind but our body as well. Um, but the same senses that can remind us of the past, um, like I said, is is what can orient us in the present. And we can start creating our own safety and our own experiences and our own memory because of these. And this does not need to be, I don't need to teach you another 30-minute practice. You know, time is already, time's our biggest asset, and you're definitely working worth it. And those practices for that length are important. But when it comes back to getting us reconnected with our bodies, I mean, 10 seconds counts. Just five seconds, touching one thing. You know, I have I have so many um like fidgety type toys on my desk. I have one that squishes, I have one that's like a hard stone, I have one that my cousin made me, which is cool. It's knitted and and it kind of just twists within itself. And so that texture being different can come times because it's a little more um soft and nurturing. So all it all it takes is one intentional sensory moment, and it counts. Um, because the embodiment doesn't always require require a practice, it requires paying attention. And I think, you know, this brings me to what I think is probably the most important part of this entire conversation, and something that we have touched upon, um, whether it be in the intro or just before, um, as we've, you know, we we build drive well and and talk about what all this actually means. But the practice is returning, it's not staying. We hear be present and turn it into an impossible expectation. There's no way, I mean, we'd be robots if we got to that point that we could train our body um to be present at all times every day for the rest of our lives. No one stays perfectly present. Your mind will eventually wander, you'll get distracted, you'll overthink, you'll forget to eat, you'll get busy, you'll realize you've been tense for the past three hours. Um, you might stand up and your legs are asleep because you haven't moved, or you'll fall back into old patterns. None of this means you failed. Do you hear me? None of this means that you failed. The practice was never staying, it's always been noticing and returning. And this is really the heart of Thrival Estate and and Thrival Hub. And it's why I chose the word return and no pun intended, keep returning to it. Not fix, not master, not for not perfect, but return. And think of those, you know, we go into many of the episodes, especially at the beginning. Um, and if you're interested, I have the book as well, but we go into the five pillars, but ground when you need to ground, cleanse when you need to cleanse, protect when you need to protect, nourish when you need to nourish, and align when you need to align, and then life happens again. So you return again, and then life happens again, and you return again, and that's why within the philosophy that we do have, you know, we have the 12 archetype pathways, and those pathways are the map, they move with the ebbs and flows of life, but that's why we have those five pillars of return, they are what holds us steady as life is naturally going to life, so that return is really important because there is no final arrival point. This is cyclical, it's a spiral, and and different seasons require different things. I mean, take it as simple as taking care of the property of your house, right? The yard. Do you take care of it the same way in the winter as you do in the summer? No, because we're in different seasons, so your yard needs different things, and it's not one size fits all, and your yard is not always going to look perfect, it's gonna go through seasons because the goal was never to stay perfectly connected to yourself. The practice is learning to notice when you've left and knowing the way back, and that's what we're practicing here. And once we stop expecting ourselves to stay there permanently, we can start figuring out what our own way back actually looks like, right? Because your way back may look different than mine, and there isn't one correct embodiment practice, and that's what can be the hardest part of all this. What works for me might not work for you, and vice versa. So the whole point of this episode is to talk about what does that actually mean? And if you haven't gotten the point, you gotta try some things, you gotta practice, you gotta you gotta see what works for you and what doesn't. Because stillness may work beautifully for someone, um, and then for somebody else, it may make somebody else's mind race. Breath may work, but movement may work better. Music, nature, creativity, write these down. Start trying these journaling, touch, scent, a conversation, solitude, a shower, a walk, yoga, dancing in the kitchen, one of my favorites, sitting with your dog. The point is, don't force yourself into someone else's wellness routine. And like you've heard me talk about too, we're a lot in this digital and comparison culture. So you're seeing a lot of people's wellness routines, you're seeing their morning routines, you're you're seeing what works for them. Um, but just remember social media, not always accurate, right? If you get what I'm saying. So you need to think about what works for you and not what looks good on a video. So think about the tools that we that we have here within this the philosophy. We we work more with tools and and what falls within that pillar, whether it be actual goods or books or workshops, right? They're not rigid rules for a reason. We're meant to come back to ourselves time and time again, and we have to be able to move with the ebbs and flows of life. Because in the same way that different seasons need different things, different days may require different tools. Think about yourself on a Monday versus on a Friday. Think about yourself on a Saturday versus a Wednesday, right? What grounds you when you're anxious may be different from what you need when you're exhausted. What helps you when you're disconnected may not be what helps you when you're overstimulated. Begin building your own return menu, right? Think about that. I like that. Return menu. What works for you? What brings me back when my mind is racing? What brings me back when I'm exhausted? What brings me back when I feel disconnected? What brings me back when I don't even know what I'm feeling? You don't need one answer, you just need options. And maybe that's what becoming the sanctuary has actually been asking of all of us from the beginning. Um, because your body never left. And and as we start to close this episode, because I did just peek at the time too, and kind of um, I just I love this topic, and I can't believe I just said that out loud, but because it's a practice, I'm really, really trying hard to um work on myself. So, because when we talk about coming back to our bodies as though our bodies were the ones that went somewhere, right? They weren't. It's our attention that did. Life got loud, our minds got busy, we started planning, producing, anticipating, performing, worrying, solving, and surviving. Meanwhile, the body stayed right here, breathing, moving, experiencing, just waiting for our attention to come back. And maybe returning doesn't have to be dramatic. It can be one breath you actually notice, one stretch after sitting too long, one walk around the block, one song you let yourself feel instead of just using it as background noise. One moment when you realize you're hungry and actually feed yourself. One moment when you recognize you're exhausted and decide that enough is enough. Your mind is going to take over sometimes. Mine certainly does. We're going to overthink. We're going to plan 10 steps ahead. We're going to replay conversations and imagine futures that haven't happened yet. We're going to get busy and forget to check in. The goal isn't to eliminate any of that. The goal is to remember that we have somewhere to return. On the last episode, we talked about everything the body remembers. And maybe this episode's question is simply: are we willing to come back and listen? Not necessarily to understand everything, not to fix everything, not to even change what we're feeling, but just to notice. And I just am so grateful to be able to do this, to be able to show up for myself and be accountable, to show up for all of you who are listening. And if this podcast helps you, if you wouldn't mind just sharing it with anybody else you think it would be helpful for, giving us um a like, or you know, if you can rate the rate the podcast, I'm still learning all the terms of what you need to do because it's everything is a learning progress process for me. Um, but until next week, be gentle with yourself, feel your feet beneath you, notice your next breath, come back to where you are. And remember, you don't have to stay perfectly connected to yourself. You just need to keep learning your way back. See you next Friday.
